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Short jokes - funny one liners (13361 to 13400)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 13361 to 13400. |
yo mama so fat
yo mama so fat when she stands on the scales it says stay tuned for the next episode."Dick Cheney said he felt...
"Dick Cheney said he felt terrible about shooting a 78 year old man, but on the bright side, it did give him a great idea about how to fix Social Security." -- Bill MaherMinimum Wage
A man owned a small Ranch In Texas. The Texas Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.Fire Engine Red
Why are fire engines red? Youd be red too if somebody picked up your hose and dragged it across the street!Problem
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."Brave Firefighters
Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To hold their pants up!A gay man goes to the counter ...
A gay man goes to the counter of a drug store and asked the clerk, "What can I do to get rid of my boyfriend's dandruff?""Simple," replied the clerk, "Give him some Head & Shoulders."
The twink asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
barbie
Q: How can you tell when Barbie has her period? A: Your tic tacs are missing.Making Improvements
“Grandpa, did God make you?â€
“Yes.â€
“Did he make me?â€
“Yes.â€
“I guess He’s doing better work now.â€
Subject: Land title FHA
Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them and He'll clean them."
Little Peter was taking his ne...
Little Peter was taking his new puppy for a walk when a policeman stopped him.“Has your dog got a license?” The policeman asked. “Oh, no,” answered Peter.
“He’s not old enough to drive.”
Answering Machine Message 232
Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love Jim Shea" T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.
Seen on the door of a music sh...
Seen on the door of a music shop: "Gone Chopin with my Liszt. Bach at 2pm. Offenbach sooner."Teacher: Why do we sometimes c...
Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?Peter: Because they had so many knights.
How Did You...?
Swami Mahahaharaj: Tickle, how did you gain all your wisdom?
Tickel Nhat Hahn: By listening. A person learns much more by listening than by speaking.
Swami Mahahaharaj: I'm sorry. What?
The Decision
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.A man was driving the wrong wa...
A man was driving the wrong way down a one-way street. He was stopped by a policeman. “This is a one-way street,” said the officer. “I know,” said the motorist, “I’m only going one way.”A Police officer approached a ...
A Police officer approached a motorist stopped in the middle of the road before the river overpass holding up traffic. The officer noticed the driver jotting on a notebook frantically. He asked the driver, what in the world are you doing? The driver replied, "The sign says Draw Bridge".How Many Witches. . .
Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Into what?
The economy is getting so bad;...
The economy is getting so bad; the other day my ATM gave me an IOU.Tourists...
A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.
"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."
"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."
Little Boy on the Bus
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.Program
PROGRAM (pro'-gram)[n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages.
[v] To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
What Do You Call a Dead Atheist?
Q: What do you call a dead atheist?
A: Someone all dressed up with nowhere to go!
- Shared by Beliefnet member Sharohio
Balance
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.Mexican gas
What's a "feel-up"?It's what you get at a Mexican gas station.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Old Lady & The Dollar
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the childs kindness and gave her the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isnt the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."
A man gets a phone call from h...
A man gets a phone call from his doctor who tells him that he has great and horrible news to share with him.“What is the great news,” asks the man.
“You have 24 hours to live!”
“Oh no! Then what is the bad news?”
“I forgot to call and tell you this yesterday.”
