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Short jokes - funny one liners (14361 to 14400)

Short jokes - funny one liners (14361 to 14400)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14361 to 14400.

What kind of tree fits in your...

What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree

Brian Phelps, Craiglockhart
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 36 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (7)

Chicken

guesse what?....... chicken butt
#joke #short #animal #chicken
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (20)

SLIDESHOW #140 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Where should a dressmaker buil...

Where should a dressmaker build her house?
On the outskirts.
The Gremlin, Abbey Terrace
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (10)

Paper shredder...

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (10)

There's an interesting ne...

There's an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts.

One of them studies to become a lawyer, the other decides to go straight.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (5)

Give me two hot dogs.

One wi...

Give me two hot dogs.

One with mustard and one without."

"Which one without?"

#joke #short #animal #dog
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

redneck wedding

Q:

How can you tell when a redneck has a wedding?

A:

When theres tobbaco spit on both sides of the truck.

#joke #short #wedding #redneck
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

What insect is always complain...

What insect is always complaining?
A grumble bee
Derek Small, Blackhall

• If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 34 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 2
Next Page »

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.60/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (5)

"This morning I felt that...

"This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket, there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o'clock race - so I backed the seventh."

"Did he win?"

"No, he came in seventh."
#joke #short #animal #horse #food #lunch
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (7)

I used to be indecisive, now I...

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

What insect is always complain...

What insect is always complaining?
A grumble bee
Derek Small, Blackhall

• If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 34 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 2
Next Page »

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

One cannibal to another: "Don'...

One cannibal to another: "Don't get me wrong, I like kids. I just don't think I could eat a whole one."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

What do you call a travel...

What do you call a travelling flea?
An itch hiker

Max Thomas, Abbeyhill
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 36 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A police officer stops a blond...

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
#joke #short #blonde #policeman
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Speaker at an ESP conference: ...

Speaker at an ESP conference: "How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

In the news: Today's psychic c...

In the news: Today's psychic conference is canceled due to unforeseen events.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Why are some fish at the botto...

Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!

Jack Smith, Leith

#joke #short #animal #fish
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Fortune cookie saying #56: If ...

Fortune cookie saying #56: If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is definitely not for you.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Did you hear about the scienti...

Did you hear about the scientist who fitted a new door knocker?
He was trying to win the No-Bell prize

James Jones
If you have a joke you'd like to share e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 42 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Fortune cookie saying #45: Yie...

Fortune cookie saying #45: Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

Vermont Crazy Law


  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

  • Whistling underwater is illegal.


  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.

    Barre


  • All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.





    #joke #short #animal #giraffe
    • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 4.00/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

    Fortune cookie saying #39: A c...

    Fortune cookie saying #39: A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 4.00/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

    Fortune cookie saying #33: Bor...

    Fortune cookie saying #33: Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

    What did Mr and Mrs Snowman pu...

    What did Mr and Mrs Snowman put over their baby's cot?
    A snowmobile.

    Mark Wilson, Joppa
    Share your jokes with us by e-mailing letters_ en@edinburghnews.com


    The full article contains 32 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
    Page 1 of 1

    Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
    • Currently 5.50/10

    Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

    Fortune cookie saying #27: Har...

    Fortune cookie saying #27: Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 6.00/10

    Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

    Where does Father Christmas go...

    Where does Father Christmas go to try and get fit?
    An elf farm

    Tony White, Loanhead
    If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


    The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
    Page 1 of 1

    Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
    • Currently 4.75/10

    Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

    Fortune cookie saying #12: Goo...

    Fortune cookie saying #12: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 5.33/10

    Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

    Fortune cookie saying #8: You ...

    Fortune cookie saying #8: You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 3.50/10

    Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

    A Sunday school class studying...

    A Sunday school class studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one.

    The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.

    Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
    • Currently 5.91/10

    Rating: 5.9/10 (11)

    A man tells his doctor that hi...

    A man tells his doctor that his entire body hurts. "It hurts when I touch my neck, when I touch my chest, when I touch my knee!" The doctor says, "Sir, your finger is broken."
    #joke #short #doctor
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 3.33/10

    Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

    Lying Lawyer

    How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?

    His lips start moving.

    #joke #short #lawyer
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 4.17/10

    Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

    A blind man enters a shop with...

    A blind man enters a shop with a guide dog. He picks up the dog and starts swinging it in the air. A salesgirl asks, "Can I help, sir?" "No thanks," he says. "Just looking."
    #joke #short #animal #dog
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 6.33/10

    Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

    What did Mrs. Claus say to San...

    What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?
    "Looks like rein dear"

    Tony White, Loanhead

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
    • Currently 5.67/10

    Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

    Marriage Certificate

    Wife: 'What are you doing?'
    Husband: Nothing.
    Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
    Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
    • Currently 7.96/10

    Rating: 8.0/10 (28)

    Clinton's Favorite Rock Band

    Q: What is Clinton's favorite rock band?

    A: Cheap Trick.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 4.25/10

    Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

    Police arrested two men, one f...

    Police arrested two men, one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
    #joke #short #policeman #food #eating
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 5.67/10

    Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

    Which one picked it up?

    Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

    Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?

    Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

    #joke #short #lawyer #christmas
    Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
    • Currently 4.40/10

    Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

    You Know You're a Queen i...

    You Know You're a Queen if...

    If someone says "How 'bout them Bulls?" and what you think of are petite picadors in tight pants, then, Miss Thing you're a Queen.
    #joke #short #animal #bull
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
    • Currently 4.86/10

    Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

    It's strange that you can go t...

    It's strange that you can go to a library and scream "Aaaaiiiieee!" and everyone just stares at you. But when you do the same thing on an airplane, everyone joins in.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
    • Currently 2.67/10

    Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

    What do you get when you throw...

    What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine?
    A flat minor.

    Douglas Wilson, Portobello
    If you have a joke to share with us e-mail: letters_en @edinburghnews.com


    The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
    Page 1 of 1

    Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
    • Currently 3.60/10

    Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

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