Short jokes - funny one liners (14401 to 14440)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14401 to 14440.

Two cows are eating grass. One...

Two cows are eating grass. One says to the other, "What do you think about this mad cow disease?" The other cow looks over and replies, "Why should I care? I'm a rabbit."

#joke #short #animal #rabbit #cow #food #eating

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

How did the human connonball l...

How did the human connonball lose his job?
He got fired

James Hogg, Blackhall

#joke #short

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #156 - Funny Photo Slideshow

What do you call a cow with no...

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

#joke #short #animal #cow #food #beef

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (3)

New household cleaner

Did you hear about the new household cleaner just put on the market?

It's called "Bachelor."

Why?

Because it works fast, and leaves no ring.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

The Best Way to Insult a Loser

A woman who is tired of having a guy hit on her says, "Look

... I'm sorry, but I'm just not your type. I'm not

inflatable"

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.

Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

What do you call a nun whoÂ’s ...

What do you call a nun whoÂ’s into cross-country walking? A roamin' Catholic.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

What did the neurotic pig say ...

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?

You take me for grunted.

Pauline Smith, Leith

The full article contains 21 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.

Page 1 of 1

#joke #short #animal #pig

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Degrees....

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

#joke #short #food #fries

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (9)

I'm such a loser. I went into ...

I'm such a loser. I went into my bank the other day and asked the cashier to check my balance. She pushed me off my feet!

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

A man put an advertisement in ...

A man put an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted." The next day he got a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

A young blonde girl goes to th...

A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical.

The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...'

The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'

#joke #short #blonde #doctor

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead

Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

Knock Knock Collection 080

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Hal!

Hal who?

Hal about Eve!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Haley!

Haley who?

Haleyen Nation!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Halibut!

Halibut who?

Haliburt a kiss sweetheart!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Halifax!

Halifax who?

Halifax you if you fax me!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Handel!

Handel who?

Handel with care!

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.

Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Do you know there's a harsh pu...

Do you know there's a harsh punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

#joke #short #mother

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Why did the tightrope walker g...

Why did the tightrope walker got to the bank?
To check his balance
Graeme Fraser, Marchmont

Why do cows lie down when it's raining?
To keep each udder dry.

#joke #short #animal #cow

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

Don't belong

Which of these three don't belong?

A Green Bean

A Soy Bean

A Vibrator

The Green Bean. The other two are meat substitutes.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short #food #meat

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.

Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

A beggar walks up to a well dr...

A beggar walks up to a well dressed woman on the street. He says, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looks at him and says, "I wish I had your willpower."

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

What athlete is warmest in win...

What athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper.

#joke #short #sport #athlete

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (5)

Fairy tales...

When Chelsea Clinton was eight, Hillary was reading one of her favorite fairy tales.

"Mommy," asked Chelsea, "Do all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon a Time...?""

"No, dearest," replied Hillary, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight...'"

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (4)

Email of the species

The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.

Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (36)

Man: I haven't spoken to my wi...

Man: I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. Friend: Why, you two are fighting? Man: No, I just don't want to interrupt her.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Husband confesses: Our last fi...

Husband confesses: Our last fight was all my fault. My wife asked me, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Marriage is a three-ring circu...

Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

#joke #short #wedding

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Mason Dixon Line

Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.

Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Science News: Scientists annou...

Science News: Scientists announced today that they have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is known as the Wedding Cake.

#joke #short #food #cake #wedding

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (9)

WHAT do you do if you fi...

WHAT do you do if you find a trumpet weed in the garden?

Root it oot!

#joke #short

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Walking economy...

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How's that?"

"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

Women should have labels on th...

Women should have labels on their foreheads saying

"Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, bank account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead

Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

How many men does it take to o...

How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

#joke #short #drinks #beer

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

A man walks into a bar a...

A man walks into a bar and asks: "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"Sorry sir," the barman says, "what's that?"

"I've no idea," replies the man, "but I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

#joke #short #doctor #walksintoabar

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Answering Machine Message 129

Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.

Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

Know what a zebra is? Well, it...

Know what a zebra is? Well, it's 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

#joke #short #animal #zebra

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

A french fry walks into a bar ...

A french fry walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Hey, could I get a sandwich please?"
The bartender looked at him, shook his head, and said: "No, we don't serve food here."

#joke #short #walksintoabar #food #sandwich

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

"Cheney now says he can&#...

"Cheney now says he can't blame the shooting on the guy who got shot. He said we tried that for three days. It didn't work." -- Jay Leno

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead

Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

What lies at the bottom of the...

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and fidgets? A nervous wreck.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Completely gone!

"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (3)

Dog w/o Wheels

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.

#joke #short #animal #dog

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Where do you find a dog with n...

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

#joke #short #animal #dog

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

When can't snow be trusted? When can't snow be trusted?

When it's lying.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

A man is like a fine wine....

He starts out raw as grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.

#joke #short #fruit #grapes #food #dinner #drinks #wine

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 5.35/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (17)

"But here is the sad part...

"But here is the sad part - before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor." -- David Letterman

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead

Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.

This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.