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Short jokes - funny one liners (14441 to 14480)

Short jokes - funny one liners (14441 to 14480)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14441 to 14480.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil...

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Blonde Coffins

Q: Why do blondes have triangular coffins?

A: Every time their head hits the pillow their legs spread.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #263 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Over 40

"Women over 40 are at their best, but men over 30 are too old to recognize it."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

I've been in love with the sam...

I've been in love with the same woman for many years. I hope my wife doesn't find out or she'll kill me!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

I think I'm shrinking!

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (4)

Submarine

Did you know that the Pollacks recently built their own submarine?

It's got wire mesh on the windows to keep out the flies.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

If ignorance is bliss, why are...

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Mad Remark

A married couple was driving down a country road arguing. They were silent till they approached a field full of cattle. The husband asked his wife "Relatives of yours?" she replied "Yep, In-laws."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (3)

How To Be A Sculptor: Get a fr...

How To Be A Sculptor: Get a friend to pose for you. Get a huge block of marble. Chip away everything that doesn't look like your friend.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Two hydrogen atoms in a bar. O...

Two hydrogen atoms in a bar. One says to the other "I've lost my electron". "That's terrible," says the other. "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Bingo

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

A bingo machine.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

What Not To Tell A Friend: You...

What Not To Tell A Friend: You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket, I'd really, really miss you and think of you often.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

It's Not For Him, Stupid

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

nipples

'You know, honey,' the little old lady said. 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.'

'I'm not surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge.'

#joke #short #food #honey #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Exemplary Insult #59: We're ha...

Exemplary Insult #59: We're having creative differences. I'm creative, you're different.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Boss to applicant for handyman...

Boss to applicant for handyman job: "What's handy about you?"
Applicant: "I live round the corner"
Louise Caine, Greenbank

Share your jokes with us by with by e-mailing letters_ en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

In a sex survey, the question ...

In a sex survey, the question was asked - "What are the three most popular things men do after sex?"

3. Turn over and go to sleep

2. Light up a cigarette

1. Go home to the wife
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

The Joy of Christmas Cards

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What denomination?" asks the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one Methodist."
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Exemplary Insult #52: Everyone...

Exemplary Insult #52: Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you should avoid abusing the privilege.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

What song does Tarzan always s...

What song does Tarzan always sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells.
Graham Jack, Loanhead

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 36 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Exemplary Insult #37: I think,...

Exemplary Insult #37: I think, therefore, I am ... not related to you.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

The bus station is where a bus...

The bus station is where a bus stops. The train station is where a train stops. At the office, I have a work station.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something “practical” for her birthday.

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?%C Q. Why did pilgrims' pants always fall down?
A. Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats.

#joke #short #mother
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

I read an article that said th...

I read an article that said the symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Hey, that's my idea of a perfect day!
#joke #short #food #eating
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

There was a red head, a brunet...

There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde riding in the back of a truck. Suddenly the tire popped and the truck drove off the edge into the water.

The red head and brunette swam up and survived, but the blonde drowned because she couldn't get the tail gate open.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.36/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (11)

Well-read

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Bumper sticker: "Learn from yo...

Bumper sticker: "Learn from your parent's mistakes -- use birth control."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

What was the Californian hippy...

What was the Californian hippy vampire like?
He was ghoul man. Real ghoul.

Daniel Jeffs, N Queensferry

If you have a joke you'd like to share e-mail: letters_en @edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 36 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Visit to the museum...

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Would you please help me...

Would you please help me I bought a 10 pound turkey. Could you tell me how long to cook it in my new microwave?

“Just a minute,” the food editor said, as he turned to check his reference book.

“Oh, thank you,” she said. “You've been a big help.  Good-bye!”

#joke #short #animal #turkey #food
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Hot Doggin'

Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls?

A: Sparky!

#joke #short #animal #dog
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

What do you call it

What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.60/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (5)

Answering Machine Message 108


Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

What do you get if you cross t...

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Half-way.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

What do you call a donkey with...

What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey !

Doug Wilson, Leith
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Why do hipsters have such a hard time with karate?

Why do hipsters have such a hard time with karate?

They cant get past the white belt.

#joke #short #sport #karate
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Liar

A priest was called to the house of an elderly attorney.

"How is the patient?" he asked the doctor.

"I'm afraid he's lying at death's door."

The priest sighed. "Poor soul. Going to meet his maker, and he's still lying."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Tech Support: What does it say...

Tech Support: What does it say on the computer? Man: It says, Hit ENTER key when ready. Tech Support: Well? Man: How do I know when it's ready?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Wee Johnny asks his teacher: "...

Wee Johnny asks his teacher: "What's an antelope? Is it true that insects run away to get married?"
Mrs C Smith, Assynt Bank, Penicuik

E-mail your joke to letters_en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

When we were dating, my husban...

When we were dating, my husband would make love to me on his water bed like a sex-starved wild beast who would go on and on. So we called the bed our "Ocean Of Motion Love Potion".

Now that we are married, the bed has been renamed "The Dead Sea".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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