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Short jokes - funny one liners (14481 to 14520)

Short jokes - funny one liners (14481 to 14520)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14481 to 14520.

One woman says to another: "My...

One woman says to another: "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband. Well, my husband is stupid, lazy, and cheap, but have I ever said a bad word about him?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Did you hear about the restaur...

Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon?
It had great food but no atmosphere.

#joke #short #food
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

SLIDESHOW #121 - Funny Photo Slideshow

"In an interview on Fox N...

"In an interview on Fox News, Dick Cheney took full responsibility for shooting a fellow hunter. Then surprisingly, he broke down and admitted to killing two drifters in Flagstaff, Arizona in 1989." -- Jay Leno
#joke #short #animal #fox
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A hunchback comes home from wo...

A hunchback comes home from work to see a wok on the table. He says to his wife, "Did you cook Chinese food tonight?" She says, "No, I just finished ironing your shirts."
#joke #short #food
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Two tons of human hair was sto...

Two tons of human hair was stolen from a wig factory.
The police said they were combing the area.

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

inflatable girlfriend

A woman who is tired of having a guy hit on her says, "Look ... I'm sorry, but I'm just not your type. I'm not inflatable"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Did you hear about the two tru...

Did you hear about the two trucks carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus that collided yesterday? Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied Â…
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

"Dick Cheney is capitaliz...

"Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!" -- Jay Leno
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Why did the Siamese twins visi...

Why did the Siamese twins visit England? They wanted to give the other twin a chance to drive!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Answering Machine Message 13


Hi. This is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

One snake asks another, "Are w...

One snake asks another, "Are we poisonous snakes?" The other replies, "Yes, of course! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" The first says, "I just bit my tongue."
#joke #short #animal #snake
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Why was the strawberry depress...

Why was the strawberry depressed?
His parents were in a jam.

Mark Black, Abbeyhill
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Dinner speaker: Why did you wr...

Dinner speaker: Why did you write me such a long speech? The people were bored! Secretary: Sir, I gave you a 20-minute speech, plus the two extra copies you wanted.
#joke #short #food #dinner
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

My friend drowned in a bowl of...

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Geraniums....

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

It's What's for Dinner

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

#joke #short #animal #cow #food #dinner #beef
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Parishioner: That was a fine s...

Parishioner: That was a fine sermon. Priest: Yes, but the audience was full of idiots. Parishioner: Is that why you addressed them as your brothers and sisters?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A man asks the chemist: "Do yo...

A man asks the chemist: "Do you have anything to get rid of rats?"
"No," says the chemist. "Have you tried Boots?"

"I want to poison them, not kick them to death."

#joke #short #animal #rat
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Wife: Did you notice how sweet...

Wife: Did you notice how sweet our neighbor is to his wife? He kisses her all the time. Why don't you do that? Husband: I would love to. But I don't know her that well.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

What do you call a monkey that...

What do you call a monkey that sits on a stick of dynamite?
A baboom!

Mrs CR Smith, Assynt Bank, Penicuik
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 43 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Superman

My uncle had surgery and became a superman, and then the anesthetic wore off.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.31/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (13)

A CEO enters the office to fin...

A CEO enters the office to find his top manager kissing his secretary. He shouts, "Is this what I pay you for?" The manager replies, "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

What's yellow and goes slam, s...

What's yellow and goes slam, slam, slam, slam?
A four-door banana

#joke #short #fruit #banana
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Good news...bad news...

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.

"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."

"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Patient: Doctor, will I be abl...

Patient: Doctor, will I be able to read after I get eyeglasses? Doctor: Yes, certainly! Patient: That's great! I've been illiterate all my life!
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Is There a Doctor in the House?

The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged.

"Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "but the house does not make doctor calls."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

At a party, a guy approached a...

At a party, a guy approached a girl and whispered something in her ear.

"You filthy pervert!!" she shrieked. "What makes you think I'd let you do a thing like that to me?"

Then her eyes narrowed and she said, "Unless you're the son-of-a-bitch that stole my diary!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

To My Bank

Dear Sirs, To My Bank

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one of my checks is returned marked “insufficient funds,” how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?

Sincerely,

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

A lady walks into her doctors office ...

A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.

She yells, "Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?"

The doctor asks, "Well, how long does the hair grow?"

The lady replies, "From here to my penis, but that's a different story!"

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Dad: What would you like for y...

Dad: What would you like for your birthday, son? Son: I'd like a radio. Dad: What kind of radio? Son: One that comes with a sports car around it.
#joke #short #sport
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

What is the definition of eternity?

Q: What is the definition of eternity?

A: 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Have you ever noticed that all...

Have you ever noticed that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

A ham sandwich goes into a pub...

A ham sandwich goes into a pub and says, "Barman I need a drink"; and the barman says "Sorry, we don't serve food here"
#joke #short #food #sandwich #ham
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (8)

The cat that swallowed the yarn...

Did you hear about that cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?

She had mittens!

#joke #short #animal #cat
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

Donkey and Onion

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!

#joke #short #animal #donkey #food #onion
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.20/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (5)

Boss: Do you believe in life a...

Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: Yes I do, why? Boss: After you left early yesterday to go to your aunt's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Wife: I'm gonna make you reall...

Wife: I'm gonna make you really sorry! I'm going to leave you! Husband: Make up your mind! Which one is it gonna be?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Why are some fish at the botto...

Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school!

Helen Lewis, Leith
If you have a joke to share with us, e-mail: letters_ en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 38 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

A waiter brings a diner his st...

A waiter brings a diner his steak order. Diner: Hey, you've got your thumb on my steak! Waiter: Well, do you want it to slip and fall on the floor again?
#joke #short #food #steak
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

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