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Short jokes - funny one liners (14641 to 14680)

Short jokes - funny one liners (14641 to 14680)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14641 to 14680.

"Waiter, there's a frog in my ...

"Waiter, there's a frog in my soup."
"Yes sir, the fly's on holiday"

Tony White, Loanhead

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 38 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Give me two hot dogs.

One wi...

Give me two hot dogs.

One with mustard and one without."

"Which one without?"

#joke #short #animal #dog
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #47 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Wealthy Palestine


Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

Feel the Hot Burn of Shame!!!

Have you seen the hottest new Catholic porn film?
It's 10 minutes of sex and 50 minutes of guilt.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

What did the monster say after...

What did the monster say after the mad scientist cloned him? Nothing, he was beside himself.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

A three-legged dog walks into ...

A three-legged dog walks into a Wild West saloon and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Emma Bailey, East Lothian

If you have a joke to share e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 42 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Why do men like blonde jokes??...

Why do men like blonde jokes??LOCKQUOTE> Because they can understand them.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

The Best Zen Teacher


Who is the best Zen teacher?

M.T. Ness
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (6)

What Did You Learn?

Susie came home from her first day at school.

Her mother said, "Well, Honey, what did you learn today?"

"Not enough, I guess....They want me to come back again tomorrow."

#joke #short #food #honey #mother
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Caught Entertaining

Little Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."

The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, "Bow your head, Dad. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"

#joke #short #father
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Answering Machine Message 60


This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

What's the difference between ...

What's the difference between getting a new husband and a new dog? A year after, the dog is still excited to see you.
#joke #short #animal #dog
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

Why are maths teachers always ...

Why are maths teachers always sad?
They have too many problems.
Douglas Oliver, Leith

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Why don't men have mid-life cr...

Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (4)

Why did the post office recall...

Why did the post office recall a set of new stamps depicting politicians? Because people couldn't tell which side to spit on.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

What do you call the woman who...

What do you call the woman who operates your sunbed?

Allan David, Gorgie

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:


"Hail to the Sun God, For he is a Fun God, Ra Ra Ra."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Have you heard about the lawye...

Have you heard about the lawyer's word processor? No matter what font you use, everything comes out in fine print.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Little Johnny was getting bad ...

Little Johnny was getting bad grades in school.

One day he stepped up to the teacher's desk, and announced, "I don't want to scare you Miss Finch, but daddy says if I don't get better grades... somebody is gonna get a spanking."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Buying Stamps for Hanukkah


A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman replies, "Oh my. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Lawyer vs. Water Fowl

Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?

A: Stick his bill up his ass.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Answering Machine Message 197


This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed with messages that are hard to read. So please use your shift key appropriately, avoid overdoing punctuation, and spell-check your message, or I might ignore it.





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

You know you're too fat ... if...

You know you're too fat ... if you step on a talking scale and it says to you, "One at a time, please."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

A group of soldiers who had ju...

A group of soldiers who had just joined the Army were in their new barracks when the duty officer came in to see them.
He approached one new recruit and asked: "Comfy here?"

"Naw," the lad replied. "Ah come fae Bo'ness."

#joke #short #policeman
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Fishing on the Ark

A Sunday School teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms?"

#joke #short #animal #worm #sport #fishing
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

You know you're too fat ... if...

You know you're too fat ... if you step on a scale and the reading says, "To be continued."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

The black eye...

Mr. Bailey saw his son's shiner and demanded, "Scott, who gave you that black eye?"

"No one gave it to me dad," replied the spunky lad. "I had to fight for it."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

You know you're too fat ... if...

You know you're too fat ... if the traffic department puts a sign on you that says "Caution! Wide Turn."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

A man bought his wife a coat m...

A man bought his wife a coat made from 500 hamster skins.
She wore it when they went to Blackpool for the day ... he couldn't get her off the big wheel.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Escaped Midget!

What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?
A small medium at large!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Puberty Insult

Approach a man you dislike who has no body hair and say,

"Hey, have you had a puberty vaccination?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

You know you're too fat ... if...

You know you're too fat ... if your measurements come out 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

What's black and white and eat...

What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra!!

Neil Scott, Morrison Street

#joke #short #animal #horse #zebra
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

"Vice President Dick Chen...

"Vice President Dick Cheney is currently out in South Dakota on a three --day hunting trip. What better place for a man who has had four heart attacks than to be carrying a big gun and a backpack through the snow looking for red meat." -- Jay Leno
#joke #short #food #meat #sport #hunting
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

You know you're too fat ... if...

You know you're too fat ... if after your visit to the department store they had to change their signs from "One size fits all" to "One size fits most."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

How do you make toast in the j...

How do you make toast in the jungle?
You take your bread and just find a gorilla.

#joke #short #animal #gorilla #food #bread
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Who Is the Real Virgin?


A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible.

But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
#joke #short #mother
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (8)

My girlfriend's so ugly, when ...

My girlfriend's so ugly, when I went to the zoo the keeper said, "Thanks for bringing her back."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

I'm so ugly, when I enter a ba...

I'm so ugly, when I enter a bank they turn off the security cameras.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Sex is like money...

Sex is like money:
When you've got it, you don't think of it;
when you haven't any, you think of nothing else.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (11)

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