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Short jokes - funny one liners (14761 to 14800)

Short jokes - funny one liners (14761 to 14800)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14761 to 14800.

How do men exercise on the bea...

How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomach every time they see a girl in a bikini.
#joke #short #sport #exercise
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

What do you call six weeks of ...

What do you call six weeks of rain in Edinburgh?
The summer holidays.

Craig Black, Stenhouse

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #255 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Walking economy....

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm just a walking economy."

His friend replies, "What do you mean?"

"It's like this: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (4)

...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

Closeted

Greg Giraldo on Jon Lovitz: "There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Answering Machine Message 215


I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Husband: This cooking isn't fi...

Husband: This cooking isn't fit for a pig! Wife: No problem, I'll feed you some that is.
#joke #short #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

During our weekly Lamaze class...

During our weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives.

From the back of the room one expectant father inquired, "Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?"
#joke #short #sport #golf #exercise #father
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:


"Never drive faster than your angels can fly."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.86/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (7)

...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (10)

Discharge

A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a terrible discharge."

The doctor lays her down, lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and asks her, "How does that feel?"

The young lady replies, "Oooh doctor, that feels lovely... but the discharge is from my ear!"

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.92/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (12)

Doctor: The operation was toug...

Doctor: The operation was tough but we managed to save one of your eyes. Patient: That's great, doc! Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:


"My other car was a bicycle last time."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

Seven Words

"In honor of the late George Carlin, here are seven more words you can't say on TV: ''And the Emmy goes to Bob Saget."
- Jeffrey Ross
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Blonde Fired from the M&M Factory

Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

A: She was throwing away the W's & E's

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Wife: Did you only marry me be...

Wife: Did you only marry me because my father left me a fortune? Husband: Don't be ridiculous! I would have married you no matter who left you the money.
#joke #short #father
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

What do you call cheese that i...

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

#joke #short #food #cheese
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Why are the blinds drawn...

As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, “Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?”

“There’s a big fire across the street,” the doctor replied. “We didn’t want you to think the operation was a failure.”

#joke #short #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (9)

A Dell customer called to say ...

A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (6)

Religious Symbols on the Rocks


Three children were talking about their religions.

"I'm a Catholic," said one, "And our symbol is the cross."

"I'm Jewish," said the second, "And our symbol is the Star of David."

The third child said, "I'm a Unitarian Universalist and our symbol is a candle in a cocktail glass!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

women, you're in good shape as...

women, you're in good shape as long as you can still touch your toes.

Just remember, using your boobs doesn't count.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Answering Machine Message 123


(Sound of scrap metal falling down a staircase continues through message.) Hello, we are having some technical problems right now, so we can't take your call. Please leave us a message.





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

A drunk man boards a bus. A Bi...

A drunk man boards a bus. A Bible preacher sees him and says, "You're going straight to hell!" The drunk exclaims, "My gosh, I'm on the wrong bus!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

What do you call a donkey with...

What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey!

Tony White, Loanhead
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Sensitive Men

Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?

They already have boyfriends.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Two cannibals caught a clown a...

Two cannibals caught a clown and decided to have him for dinner. After taking a bite, one cannibal turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
#joke #short #food #dinner
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

How do you make a hot dog stan...

How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.

#joke #short #animal #dog
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

>Dear Abby:

I am forty...

>Dear Abby:

I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.

>Rose


>Dear Rose:

So would I.

Abby

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

i phoned one of those, "...

i phoned one of those, "Let's Sue Everyone Law Firms" that advertise on television.

I told them I wanted to sue them! I hurt myself going for the remote to turn them off.

Without a pause their response was, "Which member of the firm was doing the commercial?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

What do you call a b

What do you call a blonde in the closet? The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Fu, Bu, and Chu immigrated to ...

Fu, Bu, and Chu immigrated to the US from China. They decided to Americanize their names. Bu called himself "Buck." Chu called himself "Chuck." Fu had to go back to China.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Did you hear about the very in...

Did you hear about the very intelligent monster?
He was called Frank Einstein.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Take Off My Clothes

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

the other morning I got out of...

the other morning I got out of bed early to work on the new Unix windowing system on the server.

She sighed, "You men. All you ever think about is X."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Where is this bus going?

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

Two fish are in a tank. One fi...

Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
#joke #short #animal #fish
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Two cannibals eating a clown.<...

Two cannibals eating a clown.
One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

#joke #short #food #eating
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

One day a truckload of fertili...

One day a truckload of fertilizer went by this farm where a young boy lived.

The boy stopped the truck and asked the driver, "what are you going to use this fertilizer for?"

The man said, "For my strawberries."

The boy replied, "Well at my place we put sugar and cream on our strawberries."
#joke #short #food #sugar
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:


I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Two fonts walk into a bar. The...

Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "Get out! We don't serve your type in here."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

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