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Short jokes - funny one liners (14881 to 14920)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14881 to 14920. |
What did the little arithmetic...
What did the little arithmetic book say to the big mathematics book? You are bigger than me, but you have more problems, too!What has two feet on both ends...
What has two feet on both ends and one foot in the middle? A yardstick!Why did the scarecrow win the ...
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?What is the longest word in th...
What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles -- because there's a mile between the first and last letter.What do prisoners use to call ...
What do prisoners use to call each other?A man walks into a Psychiatris...
A man walks into a Psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.The Psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
Where Is Your Wife?
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Man: You are my sunlight and m...
Man: You are my sunlight and my moonlight. You are the stars in my life. When you're away, my days are cold and cloudy. Woman: Are you proposing to me or giving me the weather report?A police officer stops a...
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licence. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my licence and then today you expect me to show it to you."
What do you call two shoplifte...
What do you call two shoplifters?Brain Transplant
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."
When the clock strikes 13, wha...
When the clock strikes 13, what time is it? Time to get it fixed!What do you call Santa's helpe...
What do you call Santa's helpers?Marriage counselor
Husband to counselor: We were very happy for 22 years.Counselor: What happened?
Husband: We got married.
Counselor, turning to wife: Do you agree with your husband's assessment of your marriage?
Wife: Yes, the only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Bill Gates cannot hire houseke...
Bill Gates cannot hire housekeepers, although he has interviewed hundreds.Everyone he interviews says they don't do windows.
Circumcision... At Your Age?
Two men are sharing a hospital room. "What are you in for?" The first man says.
"I'm getting a circumcision," his roommate replies.
"Damn," exclaims the first man, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"
What falls but doesn't break, ...
What falls but doesn't break, and what breaks but doesn't fall? Night falls but doesn't break. Day breaks but doesn't fall.What kind of dog has four legs...
What kind of dog has four legs and one arm?Lost....
An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you!" he said. "I've been lost for three days."
"Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."
One god
What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?A nun only serves one god.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman
Which motor vehicle figured pr...
Which motor vehicle figured prominently in the Bible? Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.Next time someone asks you if ...
Next time someone asks you if they can "sneak by you," ask them how the hell they plan to do that when you know they are going by.Tell them that next time they should not warn you, and maybe, just maybe, they could sneak by.
Computer Science: A discipline...
Computer Science: A discipline concerned about solving today's problems tomorrow.My brother read a book about D...
My brother read a book about Davy Crockett. He said: "Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?"He said, "Well he did you know. He had a right ear, a left ear and a wild frontear."
A student received a software ...
A student received a software package from his friend. But, he didn't have a computer.The label on the package said that the software required "Windows 3.1 or better."
So, he bought a Macintosh.
Answering Machine Message 140
Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.
If at first you don't succeed,...
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0What do Eskimos get from sitti...
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?q If Tarzan and Jane were fro...
q If Tarzan and Jane were from West Virginia, what would Cheetah be?A. Pregnant.
