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Short jokes - funny one liners (14841 to 14880)

Short jokes - funny one liners (14841 to 14880)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14841 to 14880.

An Ideal Marriage


Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (12)

Chicken underwear

Why don't chickens ever wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their heads!

#joke #short #animal #chicken
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #300 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Why should you avoid pampering...

Why should you avoid pampering a cow? She'll just produce spoiled milk.
#joke #short #animal #cow #drinks #milk
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

A sergeant was addressin...

A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest." 19 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man "why didn't you raise your hand?" The man replied: "Too much trouble, sarge."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (9)

Did you hear about the magic t...

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a tree.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Halloween

How do hillbillies celebrate Halloween?

They pump kin.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (9)

What is a man's idea of doing ...

What is a man's idea of doing housework? Lifting his leg so you can sweep underneath.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Q: Why did the blonde ti...

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

I had a ploughman's lunch toda...

I had a ploughman's lunch today.
He was furious.

#joke #short #food #lunch
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Huge Pause

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
#joke #short #walksintoabar #animal #bear #drinks #coke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (7)

Why do ghosts ride on elevator...

Why do ghosts ride on elevators? To raise their spirits!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

So I rang up BT and said: "I w...

So I rang up BT and said: "I want to report a nuisance caller". He said: "Not you again".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

The Pirate and the s

A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his fly. As he walks up to the bar the bartender says, "Hey pal, you know you've got a steering wheel coming out of your fly?"

And the pirate says "R it's driving me nuts!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (3)

Why did the whale cross the oc...

Why did the whale cross the ocean? To get to the other side!
#joke #short #animal #whale
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Fred called his friend in tear...

Fred called his friend in tears.

"I can't believe it," he sobbed. "My wife left me for my golfing partner."

"Get a hold of yourself, man," said his friend. "There are plenty of other women out there."

"Who's talking about her?" said Fred. "He was the only guy that I could ever beat!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Will This Operation Hurt Me At All?


Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?

Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.





Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Where does Friday come before ...

Where does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary!
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

A small boy was lost at ...

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said: "I've lost my dad!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied: "Beer and women with big tits."

Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

A doctor and a dentist fell in...

A doctor and a dentist fell in love with a same girl. One day, the dentist had to go abroad for one week to fulfill his work, so he gave the girl seven apples and asked her to eat one apple everyday.

Know why? An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
#joke #short #doctor #fruit #apple
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (9)

New stamp

Did you hear that the post office had to recall a recent stamp release?

The stamps had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Submitted Curtis

Edited by Glaci

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

Which travels faster -- heat o...

Which travels faster -- heat or cold? Heat -- because we catch cold.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

How do you make a Maltese cros...

How do you make a Maltese cross?
Poke him in the eye.

Peter Welsh, Juniper Green

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Sometimes ...
when you c...

Sometimes ...
when you cry ...
no one sees your tears...

Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt...

Sometimes...
when you are worried...
no one sees your stress...

Sometimes ...
when you are happy ...
no one sees your smile ...

But fart just one time...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (10)

What do you call

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotapuss.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.funnyordie.com/ - Funny or die, jokes, humor
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

Birdie Poem

Birdie, birdie in the sky

Dropped some white stuff in my eye,

I'm a big girl I won't cry,

I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

#joke #short #animal #cow
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Yo Mama So Ugly

yo mama even canibals are afeaid of here.
#joke #short #yomama
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Why do bees hum? Because they ...

Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words.
#joke #short #animal #bee
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

A man goes to the ironmonger t...

A man goes to the ironmonger to buy some insecticide. He holds up a box and asks: "Is this stuff good for beetles?"
"No," says the manager, "It'll kill 'em."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (6)

"I'm surprised Dick ...

"I'm surprised Dick Cheney loves to hunt so much. The five times the government tried to give him a gun, he got a deferment." -- Jay Leno
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (6)

Prayer in Schools

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public

schools."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

What is the most useful animal...

What is the most useful animal? Chicken -- because you can eat the chicken before it's born and then after it's dead.
#joke #short #animal #chicken
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (5)

Snoop Doggs Teeth...

How does Snoop Dogg keep his teeth white?

BLEEEEEE-YATCH!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

Where is the center of gravity...

Where is the center of gravity? At the letter "V".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

Rich is better

I've been rich and I've been poor... Believe me, rich is better!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.89/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (9)

Why is a calendar so sad? Beca...

Why is a calendar so sad? Because its days are numbered!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)


What do you call ...


What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.funnyordie.com/ - Funny or die, jokes, humor
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (4)

Which soldiers smell of salt a...

Which soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!

#joke #short #food #salt #pepper
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Teacher: What are the three mo...

Teacher: What are the three most commonly used words of students? Student: I don't know ... Teacher: Correct!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.92/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (12)

Chef Clown

How do you know if the head chef is a clown?
When the food tastes funny.
#joke #short #food
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

Answering Machine Message 77


Hello, this is the Yardmaster's Office, Valsetz and Siletz railroad (an actual railroad in Oregon). There is an emergency condition right now due to the landslide. Therefore please be advised of the following. (Another 30 seconds of talking, all of which is drowned out by a passing train.)





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

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