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Short jokes - funny one liners (2001 to 2040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2001 to 2040. |
Not Good At My Job
People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a good electrician.
He: Why did you put on these h
He: Why did you put on these high-heel shoes? It seems so inconvenient for you to walk.She: I thought you liked tall girls.
He: I like clever girls.
She: That's why I've put on the glasses...
Proof Positive
It is a scientific fact...
That your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
All Cleared Up
My 5 year old: "Do trees poop?"
Me: "Of course they do, that’s how we get #2 pencils."
In Strict Confidence
"Did you tell her that what you said was in strict confidence?"
"No, I didn't want her to think it was important enough to repeat."
The Bearded Man
From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that."
They Were Everywhere
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist...
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
Your Resume Says
Interviewer: "Your resume says you take things too literally."
Me: “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”
The Exam Questions
Simon: How were the exam questions?
Peter: Easy.
Simon: Then why do you look so unhappy?
Peter: The questions didn’t give me any trouble—just the answers.
The Hard Worker
Boss: "Working hard here, Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Ever since I heard you coming down the stairs, boss!"
Wallet packed with money
"Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church.""Did you give it back?"
"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer."
The patient was lying in bed,
The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum."I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"
Hide & Seek Crisis
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek...
Do they automatically lose because they can't find themselves?
Tattoo Your Name
Husband: "I want to tattoo your name on me. What do you think, shall I do it on my arm or neck?"
Wife: "How about on your will?"
You Are A Cheat
"You are a cheat!" roared the angry card player.
"I am not," responded the accused.
"You certainly are," insisted the first man. "I know for sure that I never dealt you that ace!"
Twitter Soldiers
Why don't Twitter users make good soldiers?
Because they're always too quick to retweet.
Driving schools in Britain are
Driving schools in Britain are very stringent. Truck drivers for example must have a back-a-lorry-up degree.Big Merger
One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge...
It'll be called YouTwitFace.
Whenever we enter a street mar
Whenever we enter a street market, I tell my wife, “Watch out, things are gonna get haggley.”Best Diet Ever
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
If you want to get the nurse’s attention after a urine test, you better pee cup. #joke #short
Five Without Any Problems
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Rural America is being asked t
Rural America is being asked to bale out Wall Street. Most Americans don't understand the crisis, so it had to be explained to them in Lehman's terms. The bulls have lost; how quickly the Bears Sterns! The bank CEOs have been advised to keep off the streets, lest they be Merrilly Lynched.The Chinese translation of a w
The Chinese translation of a word is its sinonym.Like A Roll of Toilet Paper
Life is like a roll of toilet paper...
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes!
If men and women use a bathroo
If men and women use a bathroom, do hermaphrodites use a bothroom?What Are They For?
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
The Usual Question
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my text?"
