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Short jokes - funny one liners (2441 to 2480)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2441 to 2480. |
The jolly fat man spoke with g
The jolly fat man spoke with great jelloquence.Alone In the Carpool Lane
Cop: So, I’m writing you a ticket for driving alone in the carpool lane.
Criminal: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk!
Answering Machine Message 38
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.
If you shoot someone in the ey
If you shoot someone in the eye you might not kill them, but you might give them Glock coma.
Take Your Child to Work Day
A father took his eight year old daughter to work on "Take your kid to Work Day"
As they were walking around the office the girl started crying and getting very upset.
As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly and said "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with".
Answering Machine Message 158
Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.
Work for a map company
“My cousin used to work for a map company. The trouble with his job was that there was no latitude for error.”
Saying Mucho
I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately.
It means a lot to him.
Graffiti artists have high sta
Graffiti artists have high standards, and believe in setting bench marks.
Photographic memory
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
Coworker retired
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
Gardening Skills
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.
Finally getting married
My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year!
Me in August, and her in November.
Honesty Policy
Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
“When the Army barrac
“When the Army barracks bathroom is in use, it's usually by the loo tenant.”
Time Separates
"Time separates the best of friends," said one women to another.
"How true," replied the other. "Twenty years ago we were fifteen, now you're thirty-five and I'm twenty-nine!"
Dear Pungents, I need a pun combining a fantasy creature (fairy, pixie, etc) with a graphic design term. ~Laura, Charlotte, NC #joke #short
Answering Machine Message 33
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message before the tone.
Only one of the Three Stooges
Only one of the Three Stooges was quoted in the Bible. It was always ‘Mo sez' this and ‘Mo sez' that.Obama is President, that’
Obama is President, that's his POTUS operandi.“With everyone in my
“With everyone in my house tired of the usual pastimes, we're playing bored games.”
Long Speech
A man giving a long-winded speech finally says, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you."
“The wrestler was sho
“The wrestler was showing off some fancy moves to the crowd. He turned toward me and asked, 'How do you like them grapples'?”
During puberty, most quantum p
During puberty, most quantum physicists were obsessed with observing Mrs. Higg's bosom.“If desperate times b
“If desperate times breed desperate wordplay, we need to prepare for a pundemic.”
