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Short jokes - funny one liners (1 to 40)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 1 to 40. |
Worth A Try
Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks.
If you are diving and are approached by a shark, they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible.
If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump.
New Skunk Band
Did you hear about the skunks that started a boy band?
They are calling themselves "The Back Streak Boys"!
Elderly Honeymooners
Did you hear about the ninety-two-year old man who married a woman of eighty-four?
They spent their entire honeymoon getting out of the car.
Difference Between In-laws and Out-laws
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are usually wanted.
Hand-Me-Downs
Joe: When I would wear my hand-me-downs to school, all the boys would make fun of me.
Moe: What did you do?
Joe: I hit them over the head with my purse.
Lottery Winnings
I won $3 million on the Lottery this weekend. I decided to donate a quarter of it to Charity.
Now I have $2,999,999.75!
Near-sex Experience
I just had a near-sex experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
Little Dozing Johnny
Dad: "Johnny, go to bed. You're dozing off on the couch..."
Little Johnny (opening his eyes): "No dad, I'm not dozing... I'm just blinking reaaaally sloooowly."
How Much Do You Love Me?
A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly."
Wonder Woman and Spider-Man
What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
Amazon Web Services.
And Scene
"Are you an actress, auntie?"
"No darling, why do you ask?"
"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."
Triple the Laugh
Saw the cutest TRIPLETS in the mall last week. Each had a personalized shirt.
1st shirt said: I WAS PLANNED.
2nd one said: I WAS NOT.
3rd said: ME NEITHER!
When You See A Spaceman
What do you do when you see a SPACEMAN?
You park your car in it!
Definition of Nutella
Nutella: Noun
God's favourite spreadable condiment; typically manufactured by pixies in the magical Land of Yum.
Conveyor Belt Job
During college, I worked on a conveyor belt. One day, I was on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
"I work at the end of a belt," I said.
With an ebullient smile, she asked, "Are you the buckle?"
It Kept On Defrosting
My wife was getting annoyed that I kept leaving freezer door open and it kept on defrosting.
We have since split up, it’s all water under the fridge.
Playing Poker
I once played poker with tarot cards...
I got a full house and four people died.
Cognitive Consideration
I know. I know. People say, "It's the thought that counts, not the gift."
But couldn't people learn to think a bit bigger?!?!
What Part of the Body
What part of the human body is called the "yet"?
I don't know either, but in the paper it said this lady got shot and they haven't got the bullet out of her yet.
Little Johnny and the Flies
Teacher: If there are seven flies and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left?
Little Johnny: Just the squashed one.
Feelings
The wife told her husband, "Let's go antique shopping today. I'm feeling Victorian."
"No," he said, "let's not... I'm feeling baroque!"
Pick Your Poison
In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison.
Poison I, II and III would all kill you.
However Poison IV, would make you really itchy.
Your Vote That Counts
In a democracy it's your vote that counts...
In feudalism, it's your Count that votes!