Sport jokesJokes about sports. These are the jokes listed 1 to 15. |
25 Running Jokes - to celebrate Global Running Day
Every year on the first Wednesday in June, people across the U.S. participate in Global Running Day. Celebrate the occasion with some running jokes to keep the fun in your run!
Why did the DJ get disqualified from the 400m sprint?
He kept changing tracks.
How did the Robot break the 400m world record?
There was short circuit!
How did the barber win the race?
He took a shortcut.
Why did the marathoner constantly play a prank on his team mate?
Because it was a running joke.
Why do runners go jogging early in the morning?
They want to finish before their brain figures out what they are doing.
How do you know your a dedicated runner?
When your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
What do you call a free treadmill?
OUTSIDE!
What’s a sprinter’s favourite takeaway?
McDonald’s.
They love fast food!
What do a dentist and a track coach have in common?
They both use drills!
Why are the President and Vice President so fit?
Because they are running mates.
Where did the Helsinki Marathon end?
At the Finnish line.
Why shouldn't runners use a treadmill?
It'll get them nowhere!
Why did no one think Cinderella was a serious athlete?
Because everybody knew her coach was a pumpkin.
Why don’t sprinters have long careers?
Because they’re only good in the short run.
What does a runner lose after winning a race?
Their breath!
Why did the orange stop running?
It ran out of juice.
What do you call a half-marathoner?
Half crazy.
What do you call a steep hill that runners love to race up?
The psycho-path.
Why happened to the tomato that fell behind in the race?
It had to ketchup.
What happens when you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What do you get when you jog behind a car?
Exhausted!
Why don’t they allow animals in the marathon?
Because they aren’t part of the human race.
What do sprinters snack on before the race?
Nothing, they fast!
The snowman had to give up running eventually.
He just couldn’t warm up.
The long-distance runner had a real fear of speed bumps on the road.
He’s slowly getting over it.
Corgi Jokes - to celebrate International Corgi Day
We celebrate International Corgi Day on June the 4th. Get involved in International Corgi Day, tell a Corgi Joke!
Q: Why are most corgi jokes such bad jokes?
A: Because they’re too short.
Q: What do you call a corgi that is overweight?
A: Low-fat
Q: Why do corgis react so violently when their food is touched?
A: Because they have a short fuse.
Q: What do you call a corgi owner who instructs his canine companion in dance?
A: A corgi-o-grapher.
Q: How do corgis unlock doors?
A: By using a Corg-key
Q: When it’s cold outside, what does a corgi wear?
A: The cordigan
Q: What do you call a dog from New Mexico?
A: An Albu-corgi.
Q: Why are corgis such excellent hunting companions?
A: They are in-corg-nito because concealment is not necessary.
Q: Why do corgis enjoy going to the mall?
A: Because they want their tail to come back.
Q: What occurs when a corgi is connected to a battery?
A: A short circuit occurs.
Q: If a corgi dresses up as one of the Avengers for Halloween, what would you call him?
A: One Thorgi.
Q: When other dogs eat their food, why do corgis grow aggressive?
A: Because they are short-tempered dogs.
Q: Why did the corgi sit in the shade on a hot day?
A: Because it didn’t want to be a “hot dog.”
Everyone Is Playing Golf
An office employee knowing his boss was off for the day transferred the office telephone to his own cell phone and took it with him to play golf.
The boss called and asked how everything was going and the employee said fine.
The boss then said, "Move a little faster then, will you, I'm in the foursome behind you."
Three men are talking about their skydiving experiences...
Three men are talking about their skydiving experiences at a bar and how their parachute failed until the last possible moments.The first man starts describing his story, “well i jumped from 5,000ft and was supposed to pull my parachute at 2,500ft but when I did, nothing happened. I tried again and again, at 2,000ft still nothing, 1,500ft approached and still nothing! Finally, at 1000ft my parachute opened and i landed safely, only slightly injuring my ankle”.
The second man responds, “Pffft! That’s nothing! When I went sky diving, I jumped from 7,000ft and was supposed to pull my parachute at 3,000ft. As 3,000ft approaches, nothing happened, 2,500ft approaches, still nothing. 2000ft comes and passes, 1500ft comes and passes and still nothing. 1,000ft passes, i'm pulling hard and still nothing. At 700ft, finally, the parachute opens and I land safely with only a twisted ankle and bruised shoulder”.
By now the three men have gathered a crowd and the third man scoffs, “You all got off easy, When I went skydiving I jumped from 10,000ft!! At 3,000ft I pulled my parachute and nothing happened. I kept tugging at it harder and harder and at 2,000 ft it opened but was tangled so i had to cut it and tug on my emergency parachute. But that one wouldn’t open either! 1500ft pass, 1000ft pass, 700ft pass and at 400ft my parachute finally opens. I land and break both my legs but with a story to tell”.
The crowd, gasps and whispers hearing the eventful incidents of the three men before a man from the crowd come is, “All your stories are futile! When I went skydiving i jumped from 15,000ft! 15 bloody thousand feet. I pulled on the rope to release my parachute at 3,000ft and nothing, I kept tugging and nothing happened, 2,000ft passed, 1500ft passes, 1000ft passes, 700ft passed, 400ft passes, 200ft passes, 100ft passed and still nothing! The bloody parachute wouldn't come out no matter how hard i pulled! 50ft passed and so did 20ft. I was falling fast, past 10 ft and reached 5ft!"
At this stage one of the people gasps from the crowd, "and what happened next??".
The man replies, "well 5ft isn't too high up so i just jumped down"
Guy dies and finds himself standing in front of Satan...
Guy dies and finds himself standing in front of Satan.He says, "Oh no, am I..."
Satan says, "Yes, you are. But it's not as bad as you think. Let me give you the tour."
Guy looks around and sees that they are in a grassy field with rolling hills, chirping birds, bunny rabbits hopping around, for as far as the eye can see.
They start walking. Satan points to the right and says, "Over there is the sports center. There are three arenas, an Olympic sized pool, tennis courts, an 18 hole PGA approved golf course, and more. You can watch or participate in any one, any time you want."
Satan continues. "On the left is the theater district. Every movie and and Broadway show ever produced can be enjoyed there 24 hours a day."
Then he points ahead. "The marina is down there, where any sized craft from a dinghy to an aircraft carrier, fully crewed, is available for you."
As they proceed, they pass a fenced off area filled with molten lava all the way to the horizon. In it are hundreds of millions of people, drowning and screaming in agony.
Guy says, "See, now that's what I expected Hell to be like."
Satan replies, "Nah, we just keep that for the Christians. They seem to like it for some reason."
Short jokes to start weekend with laughs
My fiancé and I wanted to get married at the public library.
But they told us it was all booked up!
I hate it when people get simple sayings wrong.
I mean it's not rocket surgery!
My son picked his nose and wiped it on me.
He said it was funny. I told him it was snot.
I tried to order some tennis balls online but the site keeps crashing…
I guess the server must be down!
My wife told our son not to play with electricity.
Now he’s grounded.
Friday Funnies: 11 Jokes to Start Your Weekend Right
Did you know that the Icelandic alphabet does not contain the letter Z…How do they sleep at night?
I was surprised to learn I weigh zero milligrams.
I was like 0mg!
I was annoyed when my wife gave me a coffin for my birthday.
I said, “this is the last thing that I need.“
Went to the beach and fed the birds cannabis laced cake. They seemed to like it…
I left no tern unstoned!
A spider asked a human, "Why are you afraid of me?"
Human: "Well, all the reasons I had have been replaced by the fact that you can talk."
Just saw three people jogging outside my window, and it inspired me...
To get up and close the curtains. That's enough interaction with people today!
If I had to rate our solar system
I'd give it one star
There are 2 words that have opened a lot of doors for me in my life. ..
Push and Pull!
Me: "Dad, do you know where I can get a Greek sandwich?"
Dad: "I don't know. Let me look through my gyroscope."
I have a lot of respect for giraffes.
They're an animal you can really look up to.
The boss looks over the gentleman's resume and says "Wow, I'm impressed.
It seems like you've got everything needed for the job.
But there's a 4 year gap in here.
What happened there?"
The gentleman responds
"Oh, that's when I went to Yale."
The boss is now super impressed and hires the man on the spot
. The man immediately calls his wife
. "Hey honey, I got the yob!"
28 Morbidly Amusing Dark Humor Jokes to Tickle Your Macabre Side
If you find these jokes funny, something is probably wrong with you!
I was digging in the garden and happened to find a chest with a lot of gold coins.
I wanted to run home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
The doctor gave me one month to live, so I shot him with my gun.
The judge gave me 15 years.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, anyway he won't come.
Cremation is my final hope for a smoking-hot body.
What's the last thing in a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 100 mph?
It's behind.
What's worse than biting an apple and then discovering a worm?
Biting the apple, then discovering half a worm.
When ordering dinner at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepared their chicken.
He explained.
"We just tell them they're going to die."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away only if you throw it hard enough.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where their home is.
Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous.
It's nice to see new faces here today!
Why can't you have a book on how to commit suicide in a library?
Because you wouldn't return it back.
What makes sad people jump?
Bridges.
I don't have any carbon footprint.
I drive everywhere.
I wished to die, but then I got a job.
Now I want to pass out.
What do you call a bacterial disease that is caused by two grizzlies?
Twobearculosis.
My doctor told me to stop eating red meat,
so now I dye it orange.
Why are overweight babysitters an awful idea?
The babies always get crushed when they sit on them.
How do you stop a baby from choking?
Let go of his neck.
When I see the lovers' names written on a tree, I don't find it romantic or cute.
I find it weird how people would take knives on their dates.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
A dark joke is like food,
which many people don't get.
If you think I am joking about Alzheimer's,
forget it.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
It's important to have a perfect vocabulary.
If I had known to distinguish between anecdote and antidote, one of my good friends would still be alive.
You're not useless.
You can always be used as a bad example.
I have jokes about unemployed people,
but sadly, none work.
What did the frog say at his puppeteer's funeral?
Not a word.
Six Quick Jokes to Kickstart Your Week with a Smile
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
I already have like 50 wooden balls already.
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym yesterday.
That's 8 years in a row now.
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything!
I have a contact lens problem.
I have no contact lens solution.
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.”
I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
24 Leap Day Jokes - Make Every February 29th memorable
Trying to figure out why 2024 will be longer than 2023…
But so far, nothing leaps to mind.
What’s a great thing about leap-year jokes?
That you only hear them repeated every 4 years.
If a leap year has 366 days, what do you call a year with 365 days?
A light year.
Why did the man get arrested on Leap Day?
Because he was doing 29 in a 28 zone.
What do you call a frog born on February 29?
A leap frog
What do Lawyers do on leap day?
They jump to conclusions
How do you know it’s almost Leap Day?
When it is only a hop, skip and a jump away.
What do athletes wear during a Leap Year?
Jumpsuits.
What do kids play during a Leap Year?
Hop-scotch.
What do you call a surgery during a Leap Year?
A hop-eration.
Birthdays are good for your health.
Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer.
RIP people born on the 29th of February.
October 31st should be a leap year.
One day you’re having a good time with Halloween. Then it’s 3 years of being ghosted.
Today is a leap day.
Guess you should jump with joy.
Yo mama so old, she even lived through the first leap year.
Are you gonna buy into an annual subscription of any kind?
Do it on February 29, you might get it free for the next four years based on poor code!
Happy 2025 to all.
Remember we must skip 2024 — it’s a leap year.
What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day?
Hip Hop
How did the leap year party go?
It was jumping all night long!
Why did the calendar feel unbalanced during leap years?
Because it had an extra day to juggle!
Why don't lions like Leap Day?
Because they are always jumping through hoops.
What does a captain do on Leap Day?
Jump ship.
I'm going to get married on February 29th, so I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.
Why was February so popular with the other months?
Because it brought an extra day of fun to the party!
Why don’t we ever plan important events on February 29th?
Because it’s too risky to take a leap of faith!
