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Sport jokes (436 to 450)

Jokes about sports. These are the jokes listed 436 to 450.

 Sleeping On The Job


Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
6. "The coffee machine is broken...."
5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
"Amen"

#joke #drinks #coffee #sport #exercise
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

 Oregon Crazy Law


  • Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
  • Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
  • Dishes must drip dry.
  • It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
  • You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
  • The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
  • One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.

    Beaverton


  • You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.

    Eugene


  • It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
  • It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. (Repealed in the 1970s)

    Hood River


  • Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.

    Klamath Falls


  • It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.

    Portland


  • People may not whistle underwater.
  • It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. (Repealed in 1989)
  • You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.

    Marion


  • Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.

    Myrtle Creek


  • One may not box with a kangaroo.

    Salem


  • Women may not wrestle in Salem.

    Springfield


  • It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.

    Stanfield


  • No more than two people may share a single drink.
  • Cloth towel dispensers are banned from restrooms.

    #joke #doctor #animal #horse #snake #kangaroo #pet #food #onion #garlic #eating #sport #fishing #wedding
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 8.75/10

    Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

    “I asked Kermit the F

    “I asked Kermit the Frog what he was hunting for. He said, 'Rabbit, rabbit.'”

    #joke #short #animal #rabbit #frog #sport #hunting
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
    • Currently 2.86/10

    Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

    In primitive society, when nat

    In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground withclubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilizedsociety, it is called golf.
    Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
    The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight andnot too often.
    There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons,practice constantly -- or start cheating.
    An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice -once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.
    Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannotcount, criticize or laugh.
    Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are thosein front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
    There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, playeighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
    Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words weretaken.
    #joke #sport #golf #golfer
    Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
    • Currently 6.71/10

    Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

    "Excuse me, but does this bus

    "Excuse me, but does this bus go to the football game?"
    "No, it doesn't."
    "But, there's an ad for the game on the front of the bus."
    "Yes, and there's an ad for Boston Baked Beans on the back of the bus, but we ain't goin' to Boston, neither."
    #joke #short #food #beans #sport #football
    Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
    • Currently 5.43/10

    Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

    An old guy was working out in

    An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.
    He asked the trainer that was near by, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
    The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I think you should try the ATM in the lobby."
    #joke #short #sport #gym
    Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
    • Currently 7.91/10

    Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

    Miracle worker...

    Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked, humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War...could you help me?"

    "Of course, my son," Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.

    The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.

    Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared, and he could see everything distinctly.

    When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried, defensively, "DON'T TOUCH ME! I'm on long-term disability!"

    #joke #sport #fishing
    Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
    • Currently 8.32/10

    Rating: 8.3/10 (19)

     Adults Have Learned


    Great truths about life that adults have learned

    1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
    2. There is always alot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
    3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
    4. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
    5. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
    6. Families are like fudge....mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    7. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    8. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
    9. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
    10. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
    11. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.


    #joke #sport #jogging
    Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 5.33/10

    Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

    Outdoorsy Man

    During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level

    He described a typical day this way: 'Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.' Inspired by the story, the doctor said, 'You must be one hell of an outdoors man!' 'NAH,' he replied, 'I'm just a shitty golfer.'

    Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
    • Currently 8.74/10

    Rating: 8.7/10 (54)

     Safe To Swim Here?


    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
    "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
    "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
    About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
    "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
    "The sharks got 'em."

    #joke #animal #alligator #shark #sport #swimming #fishing
    Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 7.50/10

    Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

    What's the difference between

    What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
    A bad golfer goes: WHACK... "Damn!"
    A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn!"... WHACK.
    #joke #short #sport #golfer
    Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
    • Currently 3.60/10

    Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

    The golf challange...

    The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

    The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

    "None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

    Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, " said the golfer.

    "Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

    "Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.

    "There's bad news?", the Pope asked.

    "Yes," Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by seven strokes."

    #joke #animal #tiger #sport #golf #golfer
    Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
    • Currently 8.25/10

    Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

    Fishing on the Ark...

    A Sunday School teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

    "No," replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms?"

    #joke #short #animal #worm #sport #fishing
    Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
    • Currently 8.12/10

    Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

    First rule in cannibal basebal

    First rule in cannibal baseball: Never wok the leadoff man.
    #joke #short #sport #baseball
    Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
    • Currently 1.80/10

    Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

    Currently, I raise chickens on

    Currently, I raise chickens on golf courses. But maybe I can par lay that into something bigger?
    #joke #short #animal #chicken #sport #golf
    Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
    • Currently 4.67/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

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