The best jokes (15076 to 15090)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15076 to 15090. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
All Night Duty
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache.""Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"
#joke #policeman #food #honey
The golf ball...
These two guys were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball?"
He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it."
His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!"
The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."
Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?!"
The man replies, "I found it."
#joke #sport #golf
Sounds more like a nightmare...
An older couple wakes up in the morning and the husband looks over at his wife and says, " Wow! You wouldn't believe the dream I had..."
The wife replies, "Yes, go on tell me."
So the husband says "I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married."
The wife says, "Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare."
The husband says, "No, I am sure it was a dream."
#joke
The Cesium Song 01
Oh Cesium
(Tune, Oh Christmas tree)
Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,
Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.
Thy sky-blue lines in plasma's fire,
Do dreams of icy lakes inspire.
Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,
Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.
Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,
When held, you never freeze-ium.
Thy gently smoking silver spheres,
When dropped in water, please the ears.
Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,
When held, you never freeze-ium.
Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,
You put us at our ease-ium.
You tend the seconds of the day,
So that our watches never stray
Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,
You put us at our ease-ium.
---Songs of Cesium #34
#joke #christmas
"Mommy, one of the kids a...
"Mommy, one of the kids at school called me a sissy.""So what did you do, Zachary?"
"I hit him with my purse!"
#joke #short
Funny jokes-Windsor castle
Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise.
One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?"
One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?"
#joke
Funny jokes-Laws of Education
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
#joke #short
Bank robbery-Funny joke
There was a bank robbery and the Chief of Police ordered the sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.
When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"
"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."
When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"
"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."
#joke #policeman
After drinking, Men talk unnec...
After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily, Become emotional,Drive badly, Stop thinking, Fight for nothing
Women can do all these without drinking!
#joke #short
Lawyer jokes-Location of right foot
Absolutely hilarious exchange of words in court
Lawyer: Please tell the court the location of your left foot immediately before the impact.
Defendant : Immediately before the impact, my left foot was located at the immediate end of my left leg.
Lawyer: Please tell the court the location of your left foot immediately before the impact.
Defendant : Immediately before the impact, my left foot was located at the immediate end of my left leg.
Really funny jokes-Principles of Household Physics
10 Principles of Household Physics
You will observe that the principles of household physics are as true as every other principle in the universe. See the below examples:
1. A kid's enthusiasm to help in any project varies in inverse proportion to the capability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always inflate to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly cleaned window gathers dust and dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is required.
5. The same mess that will fill a one-car garage will also fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a war.
7. The possibility of impending doom is in direct proportion to the number of remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors not closed varies inversely with the weather and outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any water heater equals one and one-half kids showers.
10. If two kids are put in a room full of toys, they will both want to play with the same toy.
You will observe that the principles of household physics are as true as every other principle in the universe. See the below examples:
1. A kid's enthusiasm to help in any project varies in inverse proportion to the capability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always inflate to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly cleaned window gathers dust and dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is required.
5. The same mess that will fill a one-car garage will also fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a war.
7. The possibility of impending doom is in direct proportion to the number of remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors not closed varies inversely with the weather and outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any water heater equals one and one-half kids showers.
10. If two kids are put in a room full of toys, they will both want to play with the same toy.
#joke
Chuck Norris is the reason why...
Chuck Norris is the reason why the chicken crossed the road.A 17 year-old Antartican boy w...
A 17 year-old Antartican boy was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile. Finally, his friend Max asked him why he was doing less each day. The boy replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day."#joke
Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors
1. Gangrene 2. New Car 3. Burn Victim 4. Dimetapp 5. Sand 6. Taxi 7. Grandma 8. WD-40 9. Substitute Teacher 10. Cigarette
#joke #short
