The best jokes (15166 to 15180)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15166 to 15180. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
The juggler....
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
Recyclables
A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?
Canadian: We send 'em to France to get turned into paper plates.
French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send 'em to France to get turned into picket fences. Hey, what do you do with your used crazy glue?
French man: We send it to Canada to get turned into bubble gum!
Why did the dude only smell go...
Why did the dude only smell good on the right side? He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!Paul F. Tompkins: Airline Security Drawings
As Im standing there, I see they have a little sign with pictures of things you are not allowed to bring on the plane anymore. And they have, like, little drawings: circle, line through it, No! One of the things you cant bring on the plane anymore is a bomb -- no, no, they had a picture, cant do it. And it was the classic cartoon bomb, like the bowling ball with the little sparky whip coming out of it. And then you might think, Oh, I got a way around that. Uh-uh, not so fast -- they also had a picture of the bundle of dynamite with the clock. Lightbulb Joke Collection 94
Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.
Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so it'll be architecturally accurate.
Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."
Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to say, "In 1876, Jules Verne had the first intimations that electrostatic power was a viable energy alternative. Hitherto, the only sources ..."
Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.
Q: How many signal processing engineers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to Fouriev transform the lightbulb, one to apply a complex exponential rotational shifting operator, and one to inverse transform the removed lightbulb.
Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.
Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.
The largest rear end I ever sa...
The largest rear end I ever saw was an ass tonne ishing sight.Knock Knock Collection 109
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kendall!
Kendall who?
Kendall and Barbie go together!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kenneth!
Kenneth who?
Kenneth little kids play with you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kent!
Kent who?
Kent you tell who it is?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kentucky!
Kentucky who?
Kentucky too well, have a sore throat!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kenya!
Kenya who?
Kenya guess who is it?
You might be a redneck if 26
You might be a redneck if...Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
Blonde guy
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth.
In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
There are no weapons of mass d...
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.“As usual, the chief ...
“As usual, the chief meteorologist blustered his way through the staff meeting.”
A Unitarian Miracle and Other UU Jokes
Q: Have you heard the latest UU miracle?
A: Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla.
Q: Why can't Unitarian Universalists sing very well in choirs?
A: Because they're always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next verse.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Unitarian Universalist with a Jehovah's Witness?
A: Somebody who comes knocking at your door for no apparent reason.
