The best jokes (15271 to 15285)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15271 to 15285. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Devout catholic
There's this man, a devout catholic, who really wants to meet the pope. When the pope comes to his town on his world tour, the man puts on his finest Armani suit and goes down to see him.Well, there are hundreds and hundreds of well dressed people, but the pope walks right up to this one especially shabby guy. The guy is clearly a homeless person, unshaven, smelly and dressed in rags. The pope leans over and has a conversation with the guy.
Well, our hero notices this, and he realizes there is no way that he can possibly be noticed in the sea of Armani suits, so he ducks into a bathroom, shreds his clothing and makes himself up to be equally shabby.
Sure enough, when he comes out the pope comes right over to him, leans over and says, "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here."
"Well, I finaly retired my old...
"Well, I finaly retired my old car", said the old man. His pal ask, "Did you junk it or trade it in?" "Naw nothing like that, I put four new Michelins on it."Like father like son....
Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
Little girl
A French woman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male.'What is that?' asked the child pointing to the penis.
'Nothing, nothing at all, cherie,' replied the mother.
'I want one,' said the child.
The mother tried to focus her daughter's attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted.
'I want one just like that,' she kept repeating.
At last the mother said, 'if you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one.'
'And if I'm bad?' asked the little one.
'Then,' sighed the mother, 'you will have many.'
Refrigerate Elephants
Analysis:
1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig.
2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant).
3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem.
Number theory:
1. First factorize, second multiply.
2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in.
Algebra:
1. Step 1. Show that the parts of it can be put into the refrig. Step 2. Show that the refrig. is closed under the addition.
2. Take the appropriate universal refrigerator and get a surjection from refrigerator to elephant.
Topology:
1. Have it swallow the refrig. and turn inside out.
2. Make a refrig. with the Klein bottle.
3. The elephant is homeomorphic to a smaller elephant.
4. The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection of refrigerators. That's usually good enough.
5. The property of being inside the referigerator is hereditary. So, take the elephant's mother, cremate it, and show that the ashes fit inside the refrigerator.
6. For those who object to method 3 because it's cruel to animals. Put the elephant's BABY in the refrigerator.
Algebraic topology:
Replace the interior of the refrigerator by its universal cover, R^3.
Linear algebra:
1. Put just its basis and span it in the refrig.
2. Show that 1% of the elephant will fit inside the refrigerator. By linearity, x% will fit for any x.
Affine geometry:
There is an affine transformation putting the elephant into the refrigerator.
Set theory:
1. It's very easy! Refrigerator = { elephant } 2) The elephant and the interior of the refrigerator both have cardinality c.
Geometry:
Declare the following:
Axiom 1. An elephant can be put into a refrigerator.
Complex analysis:
Put the refrig. at the origin and the elephant outside the unit circle. Then get the image under the inversion.
Numerical analysis:
1. Put just its trunk and refer the rest to the error term.
2. Work it out using the Pentium.
Statistics:
1. Bright statistician. Put its tail as a sample and say "Done."
2. Dull statistician. Repeat the experiment pushing the elephant to the refrig.
3. Our NEW study shows that you CAN'T put the elephant in the refrigerator.
Smart thinking
So they came to the conclusion that on the first of the next month all commercial vehicles like cabs and buses would start driving on the right and if all went well, all private vehicles like cars and two wheelers would switch to right the next day.
Lavell Crawford: Get to Heaven
If I get to Heaven and God is white, Id be like, I knew it all along. Show me to the hood. But if I get to Heaven and God is black, thats going to piss me off a little bit. Id be like, Aint this a bitch? Youve been black all along? Aint you been seeing what the hells going on down there? Drunk date
A guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand.He then orders a second round of shots, drinks the first and again dumps the second on his right hand.
The bartender sees this and becomes curious as the guy orders a third round and does the exact same thing.
So the bartender asks the guy, "Hey man, I hope you don't mind me asking but why the waste of good drinks?"
So the man says, "I have to get my date drunk."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Chuck Norris doesn't brush his...
Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.Paper beats rock, rock beats s...
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. Chuck Norris shot the sheriff,...
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.Donald Glover: Crazy Men Stories
Why dont women have crazy men stories? I dont really hear them. And then I realized, its because if you got a crazy boyfriend, youre going to die. Just something about men, the second they realize theyre crazy, its like, Time to kill everything I love. 
