The best jokes (16126 to 16140)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16126 to 16140. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Cosmonauts re...
Cosmonauts require massage.Saint Peter (Pun)
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is let in.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
To which he replies, "Oh, . . . They're Carol's."
Cold Medicine
Mary and Liz (a blonde) were talkin in the office one day.Mary: "Wow, that is some cold you have Liz."
Liz: "Tell me about it. I just cannot get rid of it."
Mary: "Try some Cold-Doc 3. I have a bottle in my desk. Just
take 3 tablespoons before you go to bed and you'll be fine.
Here ya go."
Liz: "Thanks, I'll give it a try."
Next Day
Liz was standing by her desk jumping up and down, waving her
arms in the air and kicking her legs out.
Mary: "Liz, It is nice to see you are feeling better. Is
that a new dance?"
Liz: "Oh No. I still don't feel that great. I took the
medicine you gave me and just realized it said to shake well
before using."
Harley Davidson joke
The guy answers, " It's 208."
"Truly amazing!" says Newton. "We will talk about the Big Bang theory and the other mysteries of the universe. I think we can have a long conversation!"
Newton then finds another man and asks him about his IQ, to which the man replies, "its 137."
"Wonderful!" says Newton. "We can discuss politics and world peace."
Newton goes to a third person asks, "What is your IQ?"
The man answers, "53."
Newton excited exclaims, "So it's you who owns the Harley Davidson parked out front!"
A Collection Of Insults
A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.
Thinks male zebras are the ones with the black stripes.
Three chickens short of a henhouse.
Three miracles shy of being where he thinks he's at.
Three-bag/coyote ugly. (Ask your mommy to explain.)
Throws his rod and reel off the bridge when casting.
Too dumb to be bothered when publically displaying her ignorance.
Too many birds on her antenna.
Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.
Too many stop bits in his transmissions.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Too pointless to even be called a pinhead.
Took the little bus to school.
Top paddock is full of rocks.
Toys in the attic.
Train of thought derailed / still boarding at the station.
How old?
Employer: “Have you ever worked anywhere else?”
Candidate: “Yes, sir.”
Employer: “For how long?”
Candidate: “Twenty years.”
Employer: “And how old are you?”
Candidate: “Twenty five years, sir.”
Employer: “How is it possible that you are all of twenty five and you have worked for twenty years?”
Candidate: “I was taking overtime into consideration, sir.”
Breaking The Silence
Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Chief Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."
Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief Priest said to him:
"Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words."
Brother John said, "Hard Bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that" the Chief Priest said. "We will get you a better bed."
The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. "You may say another two words Brother John."
"Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future.
On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."
"I Quit." said Brother John.
"It is probably best." said the Chief Priest. "All you have done since you got here is complain."
“The linen shop gave ...
“The linen shop gave their employees free bedding. Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet.”
“The forest had burne...
“The forest had burned down, but now it's back by poplar demand.”
Jessi Klein: Backhanded Compliment
Guys have said to me, You know, Jessi, part of what makes you so pretty is you have no idea how pretty you are. And then theyre just like, Enjoy. And Im like, That is not nice. That is like, at best, thats like a backhanded compliment. And at worst, thats just like a forehanded insult because I know that what that sentence really means is, Part of what makes you so pretty is that your self-esteem is so low, its easier for me to f**k you. 
