The best jokes (16636 to 16650)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16636 to 16650. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Yo Momma so stupid, when t
Yo Momma so stupid, when the dentist said she needed a crown she thought she was going to be queen
Fast birthday party
My wife and I just celebrated her 32nd birthday yesterday.
It was the fastest birthday party we’ve ever had.
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If you don't get it, read it out loud ... several times if needed.
Chuck Norris has to use a stun...
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.Matt Braunger: Dove Made of Rainbows
When a woman has an orgasm, its like a dove made of rainbows came into the room. Its awesome. Even other women are like, Aw, shes having a nice time; thats cool. When a guy has an orgasm, its like the devil himself tore off his own face and snakes are pouring out of his red skull. Like, no matter how smooth your love making technique as a man is, eventually, youre going to be Jerry Lewis getting electrocuted. When the Boogeyman goes to bed...
When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.April 1, 2009
It is on this date every year that magician and self-proclaimed stuntman David Blaine does absolutely nothing interesting.Good Advice
I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the internet, but from a mentor, and on a very personal level.My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives.The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give!
Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man.
Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when I was on 12. We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family.
"And son," he said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
"How come, Grandpa?" I asked.
"It makes your pecker look bigger."
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Breads for Crummy Sins
On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water.
Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.
For ordinary sins.....................White Bread
For complex sins......................Multigrain
For twisted sins......................Pretzels
For sins of indecision................Waffles
For sins of chutzpah..................Fresh Bread
For committing auto theft.............Caraway
For timidity/cowardice................Milk Toast
For ill-temperedness..................Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity...........Nut Bread
For war-mongering.....................Kaiser Rolls
For jingoism, chauvinism..............Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony...................Rye Bread
For erotic sins.......................French Bread
For particularly dark sins............Pumpernickel
For dressing immodestly...............Tarts
For causing injury to others..........Tortes
For being holier than thou............Bagels
For abrasiveness......................Grits
For dropping in without notice........Popovers
For overeating........................Stuffing
For pride and egotism.................Puff Pastry
For trashing the environment..........Dumplings
For telling bad jokes/puns............Corn Bread
You Might Be A Redneck If 35
You might be a redneck if...
You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month.
A tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.
You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.
You think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill.
You shot your own 12 point coat rack.
You've been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.
The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q.
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.
His father sends a small boy t...
His father sends a small boy to bed.Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can I have a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
Ligh bulb jokes-How many Doctors?
That depends on whether it has health insurance.
None. They just tell it to take two aspirin and come round to the surgery later.
None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Funny Aviation joke-Three best things
A night aircraft landing is a chance to experience all three together.
