The best jokes (16891 to 16905)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16891 to 16905. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
The lion tamer led his young a...
The lion tamer led his young apprentice into the cage. “The first thing to remember,” said the older man, “is that if a lion jumps at you, throw something at it.”“And what do I do if there’s nothing to throw?”
The lion tamer said, “If a lion jumps at you __ there will be.”
100 Buckets Of Bits
100 Buckets of Bits
100 buckets of bits on the bus
100 buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
FF buckets of bits on the bus
FF buckets of bits on the bus
FF buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
FE buckets of bits on the bus
...
Lightbulb Joke Collection 29
Q: How many Lacanians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three-one to do it, one to desire it, and the ignorant Other.
Note: Jacques Lacan (1901-82) was a prominent French psychoanalyst and theorist who is very influential with literary critics at the moment. This relates to his theories.)
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the switch is off, one. If the switch is on, any number, until one of them figures out to turn it off.
Q: How many deaf blind people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on whether or not you can get them to notice the darkness...
Q: How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but I can look it up for you.
Q: How many cataloguers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first.
Q: How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the report despite the manipulation.
Q: How many Supreme Court Justices does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to dissent one to concur in part and dissent in part with the plurality opinion, and the last to concur with the dissenters in part.
"Can you explain to me how thi...
"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the suspicious wife sneered."No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."
Cutest Baby Chicks Ever
Why do baby chicks say cheap, cheap, cheap? Because they cant say expensive, expensive, expensive!Humor About Irish Marriages
Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned.
The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up.
"I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?"
"Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars."
"Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write."
"Nor swim either," added the widow.
The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food.
"Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?"
"Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.
If College Students Wrote The Bible
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font.
A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food. Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.
Parsley
How are pubic hairs like parsley?You push them aside before you eat.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
A little girl asked her ...
A little girl asked her mum if she could take her dog for a walk around the block?"
Mum replies, "No, because she's on heat."
What's that mean?" asked the child.
Mum replies, "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Fluffy for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat, and to come to you."
Dad replies, "Bring Fluffy over here darling."
Dad take a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubs the dog's backside with it and says, "Okay darling, you can go now, but keep Fluffy on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl leaves, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asks, "Darling, where's Fluffy?
The little girl replies, "Daddy, she ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
A couple were engaged in forep...
A couple were engaged in foreplay when the woman asked, "Why don't you make my pussy talk?""How do I do that?" asked her partner.
"Put a tongue in it."
No room in the inn? Take it li...
No room in the inn? Take it like a manger!Spider Jokes 02
What is a spiders favorite TV show?
The newly web game!
What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?
Your spinning me a yarn here!
What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose?
I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it!
Why are spiders like tops?
They are always spinning!
What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre?
A spinning wheel!
What has 8 legs and likes living in trees?
Four anti road protesters?
What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
Darn it!
What do you call a big irish spider?
Paddy long legs!
What is red and dangerous?
Strawberry and tarantula jelly!
Q. How do you make holy water?...
Q. How do you make holy water?A. Boil the hell out of it.
