The best jokes (16906 to 16920)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 16906 to 16920. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A couple were engaged in forep...
A couple were engaged in foreplay when the woman asked, "Why don't you make my pussy talk?""How do I do that?" asked her partner.
"Put a tongue in it."
No room in the inn? Take it li...
No room in the inn? Take it like a manger!Spider Jokes 02
What is a spiders favorite TV show?
The newly web game!
What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?
Your spinning me a yarn here!
What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose?
I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it!
Why are spiders like tops?
They are always spinning!
What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre?
A spinning wheel!
What has 8 legs and likes living in trees?
Four anti road protesters?
What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
Darn it!
What do you call a big irish spider?
Paddy long legs!
What is red and dangerous?
Strawberry and tarantula jelly!
Q. How do you make holy water?...
Q. How do you make holy water?A. Boil the hell out of it.
The best place for a politicia...
The best place for a politician to apologize? Parle-lament.Funeral expenses
A woman's husband dies. He had left $30,000 to be used for an elaborate funeral.
After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that “there is absolutely nothing left from the $30,000.”
The friend asks, “How can that be?”
The widow says, “Well, the funeral cost was $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the church. That was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks. The rest went for the memorial stone.
The friend says, “$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?”
The widow says, “Four and a half carats.”
Tommy Davidson: Breaking Down "Scooby Doo"
Have you ever broke Scooby Doo down? I mean, come on -- he rode around in a van with the flowers on the side, on a Saturday morning, looking for a haunted house. Tell me they wasnt high.Teacher: Why do we sometimes ...
Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?Peter: Because they had so many knights.
Lamaze class question....
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is GOOD for you! Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt YOU to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Two girls are watching a movie...
Two girls are watching a movie together in a theater. One girl leaned over to the other one and said, "Angie, the man next to me is masturbating!!""Just ignore him," replied her friend.
"I can't," she said. "He's using my hand!"
Cure for lateness
Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.
After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.
“Boss,” he said, “The pill my doctor prescribed actually worked!”
“That's all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”
What a talent....
A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happened upon an old tribesman lying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop.
The father of the family asked the old tribeman what he was doing. The tribesman began to speak..."woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, white, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h.
"That's amazing!" exclaimed the father. "You can tell all that just by listening to the ground?"
"No," said the old tribesman, weakly. "They just ran over me five minutes ago!"
Computer users are divided int...
Computer users are divided into three types:Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.
A Young Farm Couple
A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.The problem was their nooner; it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Homer came back to the doctor's office..
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."
