The best jokes (17041 to 17055)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 17041 to 17055. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norr...
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Intimate Cellmates
These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day Larry said to Joe, "You know man its been a long time since we had some sex so you oughta let me fuck you."Joe replied.
"Are you crazy?!!" Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll flip a coin and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong reservation Joe asked, "How will you tell if it hurts or not?"
Larry told Joe, "If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing."
Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed, Moooooooo.... Moooooo... Mooooon River...
#joke #animal
Asteroid Hits The Earth
Top Advantages of An Asteroid Really Hitting Earth
- For starters, you'd be able to surf in South Dakota.
- Wouldn't have to hear that garbage Aerosmith song anymore.
- The one dinosaur on the planet (here's a clue..he's purple) would be extinct.
- We'd miss out on Tony Danza's or Jenny McCarthy's next sitcom.
- Puts a major damper on that Molly Hatchet/Judas Priest reunion tour.
- Pretty good chance that the Gorditas Dog from the Taco Bell commercials wouldn't survive.
- There'd be no more movies on the topic, that's for sure.
If you beat someone with a gla...
If you beat someone with a glass flask, you'll inflict bottley harm.#joke #short
Whitney Cummings: On David Hasselhoff
From the Roast of David Hasselhoff: David Hasselhoffs d**k is like a Polaroid picture: nobody uses it anymore and shaking it does not make it appear faster.#joke #short
Astrology
I don't believe in astrology...I'm a Sagittarian and we're
skeptical.
- Charles Schultz
#joke #short
Shopping trip...
Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "Cash, check or charge?" she asked, after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As Jennifer fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote with you?" the cashier inquired.
"No," she replied. "But my husband, Jeff, refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
#joke
Is it true that having a big n...
Is it true that having a big nose is caused by a rhinovirus?#joke #short
What's the best way to jog you...
What's the best way to jog your memory? Take your laptop out for a morning run.#joke #short
Why The Big Fight?
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
#joke
A man with a wooden eye was ve...
A man with a wooden eye was very sensitive about his eye for fear of people making fun of him. One day this man decides to go out and have some fun. So, he goes to a bar and orders a beer. Then, out of the corner of his eye he sees a woman with a flat face. He thinks,” Well, she wouldn't make fun of me because she would understand how I feel." So, he finally gathers up the courage to talk to her, he goes over and asks her, “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" And the woman answers, “Would I!!!" (Wood Eye) The man, obviously offended, screams, "flat face!!!" and storms out of the bar.Mitch Hedberg: Fore!
I never got a hole in one -- but I did hit a guy, and thats way more satisfying. Youre supposed to yell Fore, but I was too busy mumbling There aint no way thats gonna hit him.#joke #short
These days all airlines offer ...
These days all airlines offer services such as wifi and Sky pee.#joke #short
It was the first day of school...
It was the first day of school after summer vacation.The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.
The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke...
"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.
The first one is "gross."
And the other one is "cool."
Are there any questions?"
After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks...
"So, what are they?"
#joke
During a dinner party, the hos...
During a dinner party, the host's two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, You see, it is vanishing cream!
#joke #food #dinner
