The best jokes (17071 to 17085)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 17071 to 17085. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Funny jokes-Huge wife
Peter, not to be left behind, replied, "You got to hear about my wife then. She is so big, she was sitting on the beach the other day when Greenpeace tried to refloat her."
Short funny jokes-Real sign of getting old!
Wrinkled skin? No.
Thick eyeglasses? No.
Hair loss? No.
The real sign is - When you begin to love your own wife.
The new lawyer...
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone.
He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking...
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million..."
"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support..."
"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details..."
This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.
Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.
"I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied "I'm from the phone company...I came to hook up your phone."
Supersex
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
T.J. Miller: Holding a Baby
This woman wouldnt let me hold her baby the other day because she said I was too drunk. First of all, dont bring your baby into the bar. And second of all, if Im drinking malt liquor on a playground, I call that a bar. If, by some incredible space-t...
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.Anytime you see a young man op...
Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.Famous People Resume Qualifications
Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that.Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks.
Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticized, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person.
Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition.
Hamlet: My postilion was eliminated in a hostile takeover.
Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things.
Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries.
Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion?
Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual?
Elvis: My last boss and I…say, are you going to eat those fries?
The reason newborn babies cry ...
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.Scary Collection 28
A vampire joke
What do romantic vampires do?
Neck!
A skeleton joke
What's a skeleton's favorite vegetable?
Marrow!
A skeleton joke
What did the old skeleton complain of?
Aching bones!
A vampire joke
What did Dracula say to his new apprentice?
We could do with some new blood around here!
A skeleton joke
What is a skeleton?
Somebody on a diet who forgot to say "when"!
A vampire joke
How does a vampire clean his house?
With a victim cleaner!
A vampire joke
What does a vampire say when you tell him a ghoul joke
?
Ghoul blimey!
If you love something....
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize you set it free...
You either married it or gave birth to it.
