The best jokes (17221 to 17235)

Raining in New York

A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a cab in New York City.

It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”

“They're waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true, Mom?”

His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, “Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?”

“Most of them become cab drivers,” she said.

One line jokes-Fungus

My Grandpa says ex's are like fungus, they keep coming back.

Was it good?

After making love, I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?"

She said "I don't think this was good for anybody!"

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

Man and Pig?

Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?
A: You mean there IS a difference?

Really funny jokes-Hit with a maple leaf

A woman decided to have her po...

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

The local sheriff was looking ...

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Really funny jokes-Never tasted

“The inept psychic at...

“The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit.”

A teacher in a political scien...

A teacher in a political science class asked the students, "Who is the most powerful person in the US?"
A student answered, "The First Pet?"
The teacher then asked, "Why?"
The student explained, "Because, the president kneels before him, talks to him, listens to him, follows him, prefers him to office staff, looks after his wellbeing before the voters', cancels/defers official duties in favor of him, and boards Airforce One first."

A guy drove to the beach and p...

A guy drove to the beach and parked his car close to the water's edge - not realizing it was Low Tide - then he went for a long hike up into the mountains. During his excursion, High Tide came and then receded - completely submersing his car for a period of time in the process. When he finally returned to his car - he became very concerned when he found out that he had Tuna in his Mercury!

Market Analysts

“'Because' is a word ...

“'Because' is a word to the whys.”

A man and an ostrich walk into...

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"
The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Fri.
"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"
The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"
"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"
"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."

A wife got so mad at her husba...

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"