The best jokes (18061 to 18075)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18061 to 18075. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Actual newspaper headlines....
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down JaywalkersSafety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Stud Tires Out
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Deadbeat in a Bar
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"
But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."
If you get sick on a bus, just...
If you get sick on a bus, just blame your fellow passin' germs.Hilarious jokes-Lost bearings
"It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings."
"I'm sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear the cost yourself."
"The cost of what?" asks the pilot. "Of the bearings you lost."
You got me!
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"
Merry Christmas law
Merry Christmas in Legal TermsPlease accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).
Really funny jokes-Hello
Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.One turned to the other and said, "Hello."
The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."
Artists' Canvas
I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.Customer: “Can you please cut some canvas for me?”
Me: “Certainly, what width?”
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) “Uh, Scissors?”
Miss Greedy
This lesson was learned by Miss Greedy Who wore her shoplifted bikini. She heard a loud pop, And off came her top And had nothing on in betweenie!The story of the bats
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood.""We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."
Perfume brands
As she approaches the perfume counter, the salesgirl shows her several brands like "My Sin", "Bliss", "Desire", and "Ecstasy".
Tina says to the salesgirl, "Hey, all I want is to smell nice, I am not looking to get emotionally involved."
It's all in the punctuation:...
It's all in the punctuation:An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
Tender Missionary...
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"
The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, ah!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder...those are friars!"
