The best jokes (18076 to 18090)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18076 to 18090. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Three hymns
A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him.
The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
Shane Mauss: Freak Accident
I went to a Six Flags. Theres this new ride there; I had to wait in line for, like, four hours to get on this thing. Finally got on it, it was fine enough. But then I see a couple of weeks later in the news, this girl goes on the exact same ride and, in some freak accident, her legs got lopped off at the knees. I was like, What a terrible thing to happen to all of those people waiting in line. Deaf Men in a Bar
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great.
A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.
The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"
A Mouse In US Army
Once there was a mouse who was very sober, gentle and kind hearted and used to help everyone.One day everyone saw that he was very angry he told the lion what he thinks of himself he will just kick his face and all the teeth in his mouth will come out, then he walked up to the elephant and told him to stand still otherwise he will through him in the river...
He was just terrifying every one, the lion asked the fox what had happened to the dear mouse she told him that the mouse has joined the **cking US Army
(* kicking)
A redhead walks into a salon a...
A redhead walks into a salon and the hair stylist says your hair is gorgeous and the redhead runs her hand through her hair and says It's natural.Then a brunette walks in and the stylist says I love you hair and the brunette runs her hand through her hair and says it's natural.
Then a blonde with green streaks walks in and the stylist says "That's different..."
The blonde sneezes, wipes it on her hand and runs her hand through her hair and says, "It's natural!"
“If a single statisti
“If a single statistician meets another single statistician does she datum or does he data?”
A fat lady was complaining on
A fat lady was complaining on a plane flight how she had been charged for two tickets because of her size.She thought that this was unfair that she had to pay twice just because she took up two seats and weighed three times the average passengers weight.
She moaned and groaned and bitched nearly the the whole flight until the stewardess came along with two dinners.
NED: I
NED: I saw Benedict kneeling over.ED: Is he OK?
NED: Yeah he's just praying. Don't worry, everything's pope-ascetic.
