The best jokes (18226 to 18240)

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Easter

10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments." 9. You look really, really good in yellow. 8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge. 7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad. 6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies. 5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed. 4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason. 3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play." 2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot. 1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?

When the Europeans arrived, th

When the Europeans arrived, the Indians owned all the land in North America. Amass acre was inevitable.

NED: Wa

NED: Was it was strange working beside the woman who had poseable breasts?
ED: Yes – it was quite the jugs-to-position!

Mr. T has no patience for bead

Mr. T has no patience for beady-eyed French lunatics. As he says himself, “Oeil petit des foux”

Hear about that high-tech thri

Hear about that high-tech thriller, about a submarine crew that gets lost at sea due to extreme computer failure? It's called DOS Boot. As the movie unfolds it's clear that the vessel's discipline was lax: not a mouse was stirring while some key bored personnel were in the washroom taking a FTP. The submarine was suddenly swamped by torrents of WAVs, and couldn't make it to the dock. Windows were stupidly left open, resulting in an impossible Turing radius as they were overwhelmed by the C. It was a Unix situation, and as they twirled out into the ethernet the captain radioed the nearest B-52 Flying Fortran for help. “This hertz, Mac,” he cried. “It megahertz! I need a pier-to-pier transfer.” But due to BASIC errors and faulty navigation they could not find anchor, and crashed, leaving no possibility for a SQL.

NED: Remember that goodlooking

NED: Remember that goodlooking amputee from last night?
ED: Yeah – she really cauterize!

The homeless lawyer worked

The homeless lawyer worked hobono.

The Darn Bug

Boy: "This darn bug is bothering the heck out of me! Where’s that can of spray insecticide... Oh, here it is. GOTCHA! Oh wow, I never knew bugs had so much blood in them."
Girl: "You idiot, you used the can of red spray paint!"

Heavenly Returns

What do you call a priest who returns stuff to the store?
Holy redeemer.

People who look at their butt

People who look at their butt in the mirror and see a wild boar may be suffering from an eye condition known as asspigmatism.

You got promoted from captain

You got promoted from captain to a higher rank? I bet that major day!

I was looking for a place to r

I was looking for a place to roost, so I went to the poultry hotel to chick inn. The guy at front desk was a bad egg (he called me a pecker!) but despite his unpheasantness I didn't fly the coop: after all, it was only hen bok-boks a night. ‘Only hen clucks,' I thought. I agreed to the feed, and was given free range of the place.

Did Native Americans read the

Did Native Americans read the canoes-paper to find stuff out?

Daylight saving time

Why did the clock go on a diet?

Because it wanted to lose an hour!

In ancient Rome, prostitution

In ancient Rome, prostitution wasn't unusual. It was a whore-denarii sight.