The best jokes (18286 to 18300)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18286 to 18300. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Michael Che: Camera Phones
My nephew's got a camera phone; he's 10 years old. Which sucks for him because I can't imagine what it must be like for him to go through a 5th grade math class with a device in his pocket that can answer all of life's questions and show him pictures of titties in high definition. You want this kid to pay attention in class? He doesn't have attention deficit, he's got titties in his pocket.Yo Mama Is So Tall
Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
Saddam Hussein was not found h...
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.The sun sets from fear of Chuc...
The sun sets from fear of Chuck Norris.Sticks and stones may break yo...
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquify your kidneys.Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norr...
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.3 little boys
Three little black boys sitting on a porch. The firstlittle black boy says, "What would you do with a million
dollars?" The second boy said, "I'd buy that blue Cadillac
over there." The third little boy said, "I'd buy the pink
Cadillac siiting over there." Then the third little boy
asked the first what he'd do with the money. The first boy
replied, "I'd cover myself in hair." The other two asked
"why?" and he said because my sister has a(2" x 2") patch of
hair and she owns both those Cadillacs!
Chuck Norris once pulled out a...
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.Marriage quotes 05
Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. -- Catch-22Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.
Feminists are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. -- Ken Dodd
Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
Blondes kids
A blonde was with her husband shopping and she decided that they would shop in different parts of the mall.They meet in the middle 2 hours later and she announces, "I just got kids."
The husband stares amazed, looking at the kids he says, "Those are 2 baby goats!"
Submitted by bomberman255
Edited by Calamjo, Curtis and yisman
Lol
Doc, I think I'm a bridge.' 'What's come over you?' 'So far, three cars, a truck and a bus.And God Created Dog and Cat
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to 'Where do pets come from?'
Adam said, 'Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.'And God said 'No problem. I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and it wagged its tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.'
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.'
And the Lord said, 'No problem. I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't care one way or the other.
After trying a new shampoo for...
After trying a new shampoo for the first time, Morris mailed off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.Several weeks late,r he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the same company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items... with a "thank you" note from the manufacturer.
"Well, what do you think?" asked his smiling wife, Ruth.
"I think that next time," Morris replied. "I'm writing to General Motors."
