The best jokes (18571 to 18585)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 18571 to 18585. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Really funny jokes-Stupid Bank robber
He Might Know You
There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says "Did you know you were speeding back there."The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband "What did he say, what did he say?"
The man turns to his wife and said "He said I was speeding." The officer then said "Where are you from?"
The man replied "Chicago"
The wife then says "What did he say, what did he say?"
The man turns to his wife and said, "He wanted to know where we came from."
The officer then said "Shit, you know, I had my worst fuck ever in Chicago."
The lady then says "What did he say, what did he say?"
The man turns back and says "He says he thinks he knows you."
A man takes his place in the t...
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
“I was looking for wa...
“I was looking for watch batteries but I wound up at a clock shop.”
“I've been trying to ...
“I've been trying to come up with a joke about a Mobius strip but I don't know where to begin.”
Patton Oswalt: The Apocalypse
Were probably going to die in the f**king apocalypse, but you know whats kind of exciting about that is that if the apocalypse actually goes down -- and I mean the f**king biblical apocalypse -- and if that starts to happen -- I mean, like, the ground opening up and demons flying out and gnawing on your flesh -- it means a couple of things. One: It means that Im wrong, and there is God and there is an afterlife. Two: It means that since there is an afterlife, you will be in the f**king VIP section of the afterlife. Chuck Norris can stop mid-snee...
Chuck Norris can stop mid-sneeze...with his eyes open.Boy walks in on his dad mastur
Boy walks in on his dad masturbating. Never having seen anyone do this, he says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"His dad replies, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon enough!"
"Really? Why's that, Daddy?"
"Well, my arm is getting tired..."
Snooker Man
y did the snookerman go to the toilet, to pot brown!Inertia is a property of Chuck...
Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris.Macgyver can build an airplane...
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.Silk Pyjamas
A man calls home to his wife and says,"Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh please pack my new blue silk pyjamas."The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, "Yes lots of Walleye, some Blugill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies.
"I did, they were in your tacklebox!"
A stranger's advice
A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night."
The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning."
The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try.
When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face.
As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet.
Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!"
"Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."
