The best jokes (18916 to 18930)

In Star Wars, what do terroris

In Star Wars, what do terrorists shout?

Is my business just a cover fo

Is my business just a cover for the Mafia? I take a front to that.

Explicitly hardcore Hobbit fic

Explicitly hardcore Hobbit fiction, aka Gnomoerotica.

There are two menny...

There are two menny bad puns about gay couples.

A man and woman doing staff in

A man and woman doing staff in bed after midnight. At one point they hear a car noise and a strong brake.
Woman: "Take your staff and run on the window. I think that's my husband."
The man panics, jumps out of bad, takes his clothes from all over the place, and jumps on the window.
After a while the same guy with his clothes knocks at the door: "Hey wife, I think we are a little bit stressed."

“Two pet owners got t

“Two pet owners got together for a weekly public discussion on the Internet. They called it their Pawed Cast.”

 Hair

Your hair is so nappy ever time you comb it somebody get shot at.

A man went to a bank and gave

A man went to a bank and gave them $60 000 worth of bonds to hold for him and he asked to take out a loan of $1.
The next year he came back to the bank to get his bonds and the accountant asked him, "If you have all that money in bonds, why did you need to borrow $1."
The man replied, "Do you know any other way I can use a safety deposit box for only 7 cents a year?"

“Did you hear about t

“Did you hear about the exiled barrel? He was casked out!”

A food fight is roll...

“A food fight is roll playing.”

 Knock Knock Collection 008

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alice!
Alice who?
I'm Alice chasing rainbows....!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alison!
Alison who?
Alison it's dark outside!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allan!
Allan who!
Allan-d of Manhattan!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allegra!
Allegra who?
Allegra is broken!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alli!
Alli who?
Alligator, that's who!

My cousin Henry love...

“My cousin Henry loves automotive history. He never gets tired of studying it. He gets Benz out of shape if you say his hobby is a waste of time. It occupies his every spare moment.”

A little old lady went to the

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten."
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.
The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food. Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, "That smells like crap."
The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?"
Never fool around with a Little old lady!

“We can all praise To

“We can all praise Tom Hiddleston for his Loki performance.”

 Give Him An Orange

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."