The best jokes (2356 to 2370)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 2356 to 2370. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
One day, while a blonde was ou
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Three ex-pats are drinking in
Three ex-pats are drinking in a NY city bar."As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a bar called McTavish's. The landlord there goes out of his way with the locals. When you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth."
"Well Angus," said the Englishman. "At my local pub in London, The Red Lion, the barman will buy your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman. "Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you step foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another. In fact all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough to drink, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claim. "Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.
"Not meself personally, no," admitted the Irishamn, "but it did happen to my sister quite a few times."
Dating
A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does he end up marrying? The one with the biggest boobs.Village doctor and a snowstorm
Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.
When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done. His wife asked, "Was the patient really that bad?"
Richard said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this."
After being away on business,
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift."How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
Insurance Assurance
A man phoned to find out whether he could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted...
They assured him he would be covered.
What Does That Mean?
Teacher: Are you good in history?
Little Johnny: Yes and no.
Teacher: What does that mean?
Little Johnny: Yes, I’m no good in history.
Couple at the cinema
One day, a man was dragged to the cinema by his wife who wanted to watch a romantic comedy.
Half an hour into the film, the man felt a nudge in his elbow. "What an outrage," his wife murmured to him.
"The person sitting in front of us is sleeping!" the woman said, clearly offended.
Her husband was fairly annoyed.
He replied: "You woke me up to tell me that?"
House Warming Party
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
Wooden Leg Smith
An elderly man went to his friend's house to have a little chitchat. Then, he told his friend, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
His friend then asked, "So what's the name of the other leg?"
