The best jokes (6286 to 6300)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 6286 to 6300. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A motorist was driving quietly...
A motorist was driving quietly along the road when, suddenly, his eyes goggled as, believe it or not, he espied a three-legged chook running beside him. It suddenly made a right hand turn, heading up a side track towards a nearby farm house. Intrigued, the motorist decided to follow the chook. At the end of the track, he met a farmer leaning on a gate.The motorist said, You probably wont believe this, but I reckon I saw a three-legged chook running this way.
The farmer was nonchalant in response. Yep, we breed them here.
But why? asked the motorist.
Well, you see, I like a leg, my wife likes a leg, and me son likes a leg.
And what do they taste like?
Dunno, replied the farmer, no one can catch the little b
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Some Leave us :'(
We Leave some Some are in contact
Some are not in contact
Some don't contact because of their ego :/
We don't contact some because of our ego X_X
Wherever they are
However they are
We still remember, Love, Miss, Care about them because of the part they played, made MEMORIES in our Lives!
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Weather For The Dogs
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's raining. If the dog is
standing there really soaking wet, it is raining very hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave
the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Sincerely,
THE CAT
Skim milk
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods; including skim milk. When she said her family would only drink whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked, one morning, whether the milk was okay.
“Sure, it's fine,” my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. “Why do you ask?”
“Because according to the bottle,” the daughter explained, “this milk expired a year ago.”
Really funny jokes-Aviation amusement
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" S
peedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."
This Dog Loves People
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers.
While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man.
Struggling to keep hold of Psil, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, he just loves UPS men."
"Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.
A beautiful, sexy, good lookin...
A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy on a plane......The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?"
The excited young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?"
"Your eyes, idiot!"
Afraid of the Dark
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Good jokes-Story of a King in Africa
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.
As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.
As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."
"No," his friend replied, "this is good!"
"What do you mean, "this is good!" How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"
"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you!"
Dad, What is sex?
An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such a question.
But, he reckons if she's old enough to ask the question, then surely she's old enough for a straight answer.
So, the father proceeds to tell his young daughter all about the "birds and the bees."
After a brief explanation, the little girl appears wide-eyed in disbelief. "By the way, dear, why do you ask?" the father asks.
The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
Ice Cream
An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now." Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said.
"I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied.
"I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the gentleman.
A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast."
Hair Spray
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." 
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma
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Geographical explanation
The answer's quite simple - nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't know we were falling short.
And most importantly, there is a geographical explanation to it. While all the oil is in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Arkansas, Colorado and Alaska, all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.
