The best jokes (13756 to 13770)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 13756 to 13770. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Teacher: "Tim, what is the out
Teacher: "Tim, what is the outside of a tree called?"Tim: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Tim, bark."
Tim: "Bow, wow, wow!"
#joke #short
Cleaning mud can lead to a
Cleaning mud can lead to a life of grime. It's a slippery slop.#joke #short
You Might Be A Redneck If 26
You might be a redneck if...
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
If you want to get the nurse’s attention after a urine test, you better pee cup. #joke #short
“If the current leade
“If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent.”
#joke #short
There are few guarantees in li
There are few guarantees in life but a blue sky is azure thing.#joke #short
Rowing Your Boat
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
#joke #blonde
At school one day, the teacher
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV.Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important. "
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education."
"Yes it does," said Johnny, "it taught those Indians not to f*** with John Wayne."
#joke
Early Morning Make-Up
A wife started doing her make up as soon as she woke up.
Her husband asked the reason.
She replied, “I have locked my phone with facial recognition. And it’s not recognizing me without makeup.”
#joke #short
Two women are hiking in the wo
Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old bridge spanning the stream. Deciding the bridge safe, the two women proceed to cross. Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other,"I've always wanted to be like the guys, and pee off a bridge."
The other woman looks around and says,"Well, I don't see anyone around, now's your chance!"
The first woman drops her hiking shorts and backs over to the side of the bridge. As she begins to pee, she looks over her shoulder.
"Holly shit!" she exclaims, "I just pissed in a canoe!"
Alarmed, the second woman hurries over, and peeks down at the stream below.
"Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in, it was just your reflection."
#joke #sport #hiking
“When it comes to dan
“When it comes to dancing, no one can just waltz in and learn instantly. Sometimes it takes a quick-step, or sometimes you need to hustle around. But eventually anyone can get the swing of it.”
#joke #short
Painting Shows It All
At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture."What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.
"What painter?"
"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."
"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"
"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"
#joke
Ponderings Collection 36
It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
It must be true that men are from Mars. Look at how the place has deteriorated.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Married people don't live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Question Answer 06
What lights up a football stadium?
A football match!
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
Cornflakes!
Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?
Webley stadium!
When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper!
Ref: I'm sending you off
Player: What for?
Ref: The rest of the match!
Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
They tend to go cheep!
What is a goal keepers favourite snack?
Beans on post!
A woman is breaking up with he....
A woman is breaking up with her fiance. She tells him, "I can't marry you. My feelings for you have changed."The man says, "OK, I want my ring back."
The woman says, "I can't give it back to you. My feelings for the ring haven't changed".
#joke #short