The best jokes (14956 to 14970)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 14956 to 14970. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
I love you
How to say....."I Love You"in Different Languages
English.........I Love You
Spanish........Te Amo
French.........Je T'aime
German........Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese......Ai Shite Imasu
Italian...........Ti Amo
Chinese........Wo Ai Ni
Swedish.......Jag Alskar Dig
Eskimo.........Nagligivaget
Greek...........S'Agapo
Hawaiian.......Aloha Wau la Oe
Irish.............Thaim In Grabh Leat
Hebrew.........Ani Ohev Otakh
Russian........Ya Lyublyu Tyebya
Albanian.......Une Te Dua
Finnish.........Mina Rakkastan Sinua
Turkish.........Seni Seviyorum
Hungarian....Se Ret Lay
Persian........Du Stet Daram
Maltese........ien Inhobbok
Catalan........Testimo Molt
Redneck ......Nice Tits
Maria Bamford: Anxiety Song
This is my anxiety song: If I keep the kitchen floor clean, no one will die/as long as I clench my fists at odd intervals, then the darkness within me wont force me to do anything inappropriately violent or sexual at dinner parties/as long as I keep humming the tune, I wont turn gay.Sasquatch has high net...
Sasquatch has high net swarth.Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and ...
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great golden throne. God addresses Al first."Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFC's and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then address Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe?"
Bill Gates said, "I believe you're in my chair."
Before the Fight Starts
A guy runs into a bar all out of breath. He says to the bartender, "Quick, give me a drink before the fight starts".The bartender pours him a drink, the guy gulps in down, runs to the door, looks left and right, then runs back to the bar and says, "Quick, give me a another drink before the fight starts".
The bartender pours him another drink, he gulps it down, then runs to the door and once again looks to the left and then to the right, then comes back to the bar and says, "Quick, give me a another drink before the fight starts".
The bartender pours the drink, then says, "What fight are you talking about"?
The guy says, "The fight between you and me. I can't pay for the drinks".
Executive ability is about dec...
Executive ability is about deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.i am so good in bed that...
i am so good in bed that when I have sex even the neighbors need a cigarette.Buy your grade...
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
Risk Of Plane Bombs
A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go. The non has terrible flight panic.
"Hey, don't worry, it's just every 10000th flight that crashes."
"1:10000? So much? Then it surely will be mine!"
"Well, there is an easy way out. Simply take the next plane. It's much more probable that you go from a crashing to a non-crashing plane than the other way round. So you are already at 1:10000 squared."
What's Gadhafi's f...
What's Gadhafi's favourite word game? Mad Libyas.Learning by example...
Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"
"My daddy said it," he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."
"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."
Digging for bait
My sister-in-law and nephew Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my mother-in-law's garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother.
“No, honey, he won't do for bait,” his mother said. “He's not an earthworm.”
“He's not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is he from?”
A couple lived near the ocean ...
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."
No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore
95th birthday
“Look at ME!” boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. “Every morning I do 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!”
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, “And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!”
“Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”
Source: Good Clean Fun
