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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 16 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 16 October 2008

What happens when a lawyer tak...

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? -- They grow taller!
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Little Johnny came home from s...

Little Johnny came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad.

His dad said, "Well Johnny, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000.

He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".

"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."

He did and came back and said, "She said yes."

And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."

He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"

And the dad said, "Well Johnny, hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!
#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #145 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Bowling ball humor...

I worry about the germs in the holes of bowling balls. Nobody cleans those holes. There are years of impacted pizza fingers in there. Taco fingers. Chicken fingers. I'm amazed those balls still have holes. Ever smell a bowling ball hole? You think the balls are knocking down the pins? You're wrong. The pins are passing out from the smell.

-- Carolyn May

#joke #animal #chicken #food #pizza
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Doctor, doctor, I think I've g...

Doctor, doctor, I think I've gone a funny colour.
Nonsense, it's just a pigment of your imagination.

Denny Crouch, Willowbrae

If you have a joke you'd like to share e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 39 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Girls Night Out!

Girls Night Out!

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, and used them and threw them away.

Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it.

After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

#joke

Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

Can U Read It

Briteesh destraayed avar kantry faar 150 earss. let uss destraay deree laangvedge foryever.... Do yit yand yenjaaay.... :-)

Yeast aar Waist aavar caantry iss da BAIST!!!!!!!!!!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

Billy Ray

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?

A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

Legless Poodle

What do you call a poodle with no legs?

A sponge.

#joke #short #animal #poodle
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Arthur is 90 years old. HeR...

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

“That's it,” he tells his wife. “I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That's no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help.”

“He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I don't remember.”

Jokes

Quotes

Sayings

#joke #drinks #tea #sport #golf
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

One day...

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. However, at the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.

"I can fix that with some Aspirin. I just take some and it'll be better in a second."

So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.

The CEO says "We don't approve of womanising!"

The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 August 2008
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (8)

The Rabbi in The confession...

The Rabbi in The confession booth

A priest and a rabbi were talking when the rabbi asked the priest about confession.

"I have an idea," said the priest. Why don't you sit with me on my side of the confession booth and hear it for yourself? No one will ever know.

A woman came into the booth and said, Bless me Father for I have sinned.
The priest asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
"Three times."
"Well," said the priest, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Another woman came and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."

The priest asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
"Three times."
Again the priest said, "Say 5 Hail Marys and put 5 dollars in the offering box."

Then the priest said to the rabbi, "would you like to do the next confession?"

The rabbi started to object, but the priest said, "Go ahead. It's easy."
So another woman came in and said, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."
This time the rabbi asked, "What did you do?"
"I cheated on my husband."
"How many times?"
The woman said, "Twice."
Then the rabbi said, "Well go do it again. They're 3 for 5 dollars today."

#joke #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 July 2008
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (10)

A man lost both ears in an acc...

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said: " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

Cats on a fence

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?".

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.32/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (22)

Am I A Bad Father?

Johnathan asked his young son, 'Greg, do you think I’m a bad father?'
'My name is Andrew,' replied his son.

Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (19)

Roar

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, "ROAR," step, step, "ROAR," all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

#joke #animal #bear #wedding #bride
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

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