Jokes of the day for Thursday, 04 December 2008
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 04 December 2008
College Student Q and A
College Student Q and A
Q: What does the average Mississippi State player get on his SATs?
Q: What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: Why do the Auburn cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.
Q: Why is the Vandy football team like a possum?
A: Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.
Q: What are the longest three years of a Florida football player's life?
A: His freshman year.
Q: How many Ole Miss freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None . . . That's a sophomore course at Mississippi.
Q: Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?
A: Lexington, Kentucky . . . He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.
Q: Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
A: They can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week. #joke
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest.
Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
A man walks into a bar a...
A man walks into a bar and asks: "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"
"I've no idea," replies the man, "but I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.
(They say men ARE so easy)
Reduce National Debt
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Monday, December 7, 1992
In October, an envelope containing $15,000 in cash was left, anonymously, on a chair at the Detroit IRS office with the instruction to apply it "to reduce the national debt."
ConvertTwo Jews are out for a walk when they pass a Catholic Church with a sign out front that says "Today Only, $1000.00 If You Convert!"
They argue back and forth until they finally decide which one is going to go in and give it a try.
He steps in the church while his friend waits outside. The fellow is in there for hours with his buddy patiently waiting. Finally, he returns.
His friend says "Well what happened? Did you convert? Did you get the money? Show me the money!"
The other fellow says "Is that all you people think about?"
Submitted by Tbone
Edited by Yisman
A Zoo StoryA guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."
Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.
The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"
The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I''m taking him to the movies."
A manager brings a dog ...A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.Â He plays all the
standards.Â He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.Â The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”
The manager says,
“That's his mother.Â She wants him to be a doctor.”
See what proper pun...
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
A native american hitchhiker and brown paper bag
A native American hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.
As they were driving along, the Indian noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents.
The city man replied:
"It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife".
The Indian looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said: "Good trade".
A Microsoft support man goes to a firing range. He shoots 10 bullets at the target 50m away. Then the supervisors check the target and see that there's not even a single hit, and they shout to him that he missed completely. So he tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer. Then he put his finger at the top of the gun and shoots, blasting off his finger. When he saw it he shouted back "I don't know, it's working perfectly here, the problem must yours..."
Talking Dog for Sale
A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."