Jokes of the day for Sunday, 31 May 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 31 May 2009 |
There were these 4 guys, a Rus...
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, whofound this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He
said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A
wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the
pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted,
"WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so
happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented
with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He
steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
"SHIT!!!!!!! .......... "
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES
ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
Maximum Occupancy
Five Scotsmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four."A blonde is terribly overweigh...
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat these same steps for 3 weeks. The next time you come here, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded..."I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping!"
Send my luggage....
Passenger to Airline Ticket Agent: I want my brown suitcase sent to Los Angeles, my green suitcase sent to Kansas City, and my tan suitcase sent to New Orleans.Ticket Agent: I'm sorry, sir; this flight is to Nashville. We can't do that.
Passenger: Why not ? You did it last time.
My kids love going to the...
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
What do you call a four-foot-t...
What do you call a four-foot-tall psychic that escaped from jail? A small medium at large!adies: Which of the following...
adies: Which of the following will do a better job of frightening a man away?"Get away or I'll call the police!"
or
"I love you and want to marry you and have your children."
A man refused a drink in pub w...
A man refused a drink in pub was told it was because of the trouble he caused the night before.Only in America
Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance....Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and A diet coke...
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens To the counters...
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then Have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America... do we use the word politics to describe the process so well. Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning blood sucking creatures...
A man refused a drink in pub w...
A man refused a drink in pub was told it was because of the trouble he caused the night before.A woman walked up to a little...
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
