Jokes of the day for Sunday, 21 June 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 21 June 2009 |
Two avid fishermen go on a fis...
Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Two cab drivers met. "Hey," as...
Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?""Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Cave Drawings
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least Three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge Meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a Woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."A Bad Gift for a Buddhist
Q: Why is a vacuum cleaner a bad gift for a Buddhist?
A: Because it comes with attachments.
Two sailors on shore leave, wa...
Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street. They spot a beautiful blonde.First sailor asks his friend "Have you ever slept with a blonde?"
Second sailor replies that he has.
They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette.
First Sailor: Have you ever slept with a brunette?"
Second Sailor" Why yes, in fact I've slept with brunettes on many occasions"
They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.
First Sailor:" Have you ever slept with a redhead then?"
His companion looks at him and replies "Not a wink!"
Jury selection...
An important and very well publicized murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.
One prospective juror, Dan O'Keefe, was called for his question session.
He was asked, "Property holder?"
Dan replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor."
Then he was asked, "Married or single?"
Dan responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor."
Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?"
Dan stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."
Chemistry Song 02
The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
When Technology Meets Biology
A Guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender. Just asthe bartender is about to ask the customer for his order he
hears a phone ring. The customer puts his hand up to his ear
and says, "Hello? No honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes, love
you, bye."
The bartender says, "What the heck is that?"
The customer replies "It's my hand phone..give me your home
number so you can try it."
With that, the bartender gives him his home number and the
customer punches the numbers in on his hand and puts his hand
up to the bartender's ear. The bartender's wife answers and
he (who is very amazed) says, "I...honey... just thought I'd
call you and tell you I love you....ok...bye."
The bartender says, "That's amazing! How do you get one?"
"I'll tell you when I get back from the restroom."
30 minutes later there is no sign of the customer and the
bartender is getting concerned so he walks to the restroom to
make sure the guy is ok. When he enters he finds the guy with
his pants around his ankles, bent over with his palms on the
wall and a long piece of toilet paper hanging out of his
butt.
"What the hell are you doing?" asks the incredulous
bartender.
"Give me a second," the man replies as he grunts and groans,
"I'm getting a fax."
Why did the tomato turn red?
Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing
#joke #short
It saw the salad dressing
One day the preacher's wife we...
One day the preacher's wife went to the local butcher shop looking for the family dinner. She walked in and asked the butcher what was his choice of the day. The butcher replied " I recommend the "God Damn Ham"!! The preacher's wife turned bright red and replied "I am the preachers wife, how can you say such things to me!! "No No replied the butcher, The name of the ham is "God Damn Ham." Oh, well then said the preacher's wife, I'll take a nice big piece.The preacher arrives home and says "Honey, what's for dinner?" The wife promptly replies "God Damn Ham." The preacher in turn (praying for his wife's soul) "Oh dear, how can you say such a thing when your a preacher's wife?" "No! No! my dear," replies the wife, "the name of the ham is "God Damn Ham." The preacher then calms down and prepares for the family dinner.
At dinner time the preacher, wife, son, & daughter sit down for the family dinner. The preacher says a blessing for the evening meal and proceeds to say "AMEN. Honey pass me the God Damn Ham."... At that the teenage son's eyes light up and he slaps the preacher on the back and says " THAT'S THE SPIRIT DAD, PASS THE F#%$KEN POTATOES!!"
Jimmy Carr: Sexual Peak
Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years. Men reach theirs after about four minutes.
There Was A Place Crash In Poland
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.Reaching the end of a job inte...
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
