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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 21 June 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 21 June 2009

Two avid fishermen go on a fis...

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
#joke
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (8)

Two cab drivers met. "Hey," as...

Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #30 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Cave Drawings

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least Three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge Meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a Woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A Bad Gift for a Buddhist

Q: Why is a vacuum cleaner a bad gift for a Buddhist?
A: Because it comes with attachments.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (11)

Two sailors on shore leave, wa...

Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street. They spot a beautiful blonde.

First sailor asks his friend "Have you ever slept with a blonde?"

Second sailor replies that he has.

They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette.

First Sailor: Have you ever slept with a brunette?"

Second Sailor" Why yes, in fact I've slept with brunettes on many occasions"

They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.

First Sailor:" Have you ever slept with a redhead then?"

His companion looks at him and replies "Not a wink!"
#joke #blonde
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Jury selection...

An important and very well publicized murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.

One prospective juror, Dan O'Keefe, was called for his question session.

He was asked, "Property holder?"

Dan replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor."

Then he was asked, "Married or single?"

Dan responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor."

Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?"

Dan stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."

#joke
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Chemistry Song 02


The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

When Technology Meets Biology

A Guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender. Just as

the bartender is about to ask the customer for his order he

hears a phone ring. The customer puts his hand up to his ear

and says, "Hello? No honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes, love

you, bye."

The bartender says, "What the heck is that?"

The customer replies "It's my hand phone..give me your home

number so you can try it."

With that, the bartender gives him his home number and the

customer punches the numbers in on his hand and puts his hand

up to the bartender's ear. The bartender's wife answers and

he (who is very amazed) says, "I...honey... just thought I'd

call you and tell you I love you....ok...bye."

The bartender says, "That's amazing! How do you get one?"

"I'll tell you when I get back from the restroom."

30 minutes later there is no sign of the customer and the

bartender is getting concerned so he walks to the restroom to

make sure the guy is ok. When he enters he finds the guy with

his pants around his ankles, bent over with his palms on the

wall and a long piece of toilet paper hanging out of his

butt.

"What the hell are you doing?" asks the incredulous

bartender.

"Give me a second," the man replies as he grunts and groans,

"I'm getting a fax."

#joke #walksintoabar
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

The Bad Belt

Q: Why did the belt get locked up?
A: He held up a pair of pants.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Why did the tomato turn red? Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing
#joke #short

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

One day the preacher's wife we...

One day the preacher's wife went to the local butcher shop looking for the family dinner. She walked in and asked the butcher what was his choice of the day. The butcher replied " I recommend the "God Damn Ham"!! The preacher's wife turned bright red and replied "I am the preachers wife, how can you say such things to me!! "No No replied the butcher, The name of the ham is "God Damn Ham." Oh, well then said the preacher's wife, I'll take a nice big piece.

The preacher arrives home and says "Honey, what's for dinner?" The wife promptly replies "God Damn Ham." The preacher in turn (praying for his wife's soul) "Oh dear, how can you say such a thing when your a preacher's wife?" "No! No! my dear," replies the wife, "the name of the ham is "God Damn Ham." The preacher then calms down and prepares for the family dinner.

At dinner time the preacher, wife, son, & daughter sit down for the family dinner. The preacher says a blessing for the evening meal and proceeds to say "AMEN. Honey pass me the God Damn Ham."... At that the teenage son's eyes light up and he slaps the preacher on the back and says " THAT'S THE SPIRIT DAD, PASS THE F#%$KEN POTATOES!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 April 2009
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

Cat Scan

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor.
"How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.
"$345," says the doctor.
"$345!!?" the lady asks.
"Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 8.13/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (15)

Deep Thoughts

1. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
3. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
4. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
7. Was learning to write in cursive really necessary?
8. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
9. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
10. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
11. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
12. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
13. Bad decisions make good stories.
14. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
15. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
16. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
17. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
18. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
19. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

When two people are destined to be together

When two people are destined to be together, don’t worry. Just wait. The love that you seek will come to you in the right time, the right place, and with the right person that was meant to love you the way you always wanted.
#joke #short
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Before the internet ...

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either

Author:DwightKSchnute
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

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