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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 18 March 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 18 March 2010

If they ever catch the Swamp T...

If they ever catch the Swamp Thing, it will prove once and for all there is life on marsh.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

“How are you getting on with y...

“How are you getting on with your exams?”
“Not bad. The questions are easy enough – it’s the answers I have trouble with!”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A man went to the dentist to g...

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.
While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?"
The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually.
How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?"
The dentist says, "No, not quite.
You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 2.43/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Calculated Desperation

Calculated Desperation | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

Little Johnny walked into the ...

Little Johnny walked into the house covered in filth. His mom asked, "Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?"

Johnny replied, " I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

Sex with Strangers

Getting drunk and having sex with strangers. Thats how Irish people meet, isnt it?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

The Haircut

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. Then he said, "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut'."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

You Might Be A Redneck If 39


You might be a redneck if...
One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

#joke #halloween
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A college student picked up hi...

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 December 2009
  • Currently 4.59/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (71)

Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"GOD LOVES YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 May 2009
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (27)

Womens Hotel

Four beautiful ladies walked into a hotel to stay in for the night, the name of the hotel read, "Pleasure Giving Hotel For Women" The ladies were convinced and walked in.

On the first floor a sign read, 'the men on this floor are not good at having sex, but are very gentle and very tempting'.

The ladies were not satisfied and they walked to the second floor which a sign read, 'the men on this floor are good at having sex but are very rude and self-considerate'

The ladies were once again not satisfied and went on to the third floor where a sign said, 'There are nothing wrong with the men on this floor, they're good at having soft sex they are very nice, gentle and hot' the four ladies were tempted to go in but decided to go to the last floor to see what was in it.

When they got there they saw a sign that said, 'There is absolutaly no one on this floor, this floor was just made to show that there is no way to please a woman'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 April 2009
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

The Biology Song 02


To the tune of "Send in the Clowns"
So this is it,
A few bases to go,
I've tried and I've tried but the techniques's so slow.
I've poured my gels,
I've run quite a few.
Full of bubbles, they leaked and why I never knew.
But where are the clones?
I've got to have clones,
The end is so near.
Is my broth rich?
Does it look clear?
Contamination is something I always fear.
Are my plaques blue?
They shouldnt be,
No DNA left I'm down on my knees,
So give me some clones?
I've got to have clones,
The end is so near.
I've had bad preps,
There've been quite a few,
Ive tried all brands of PEG, fresh buffers, but nothing would do.
And though they say,
Solutions will keep,
In my hands they last no more than a week.
So send me some clones?
I've got to have clones,
The end is so near.
I've read my gels,
My eyes are quite sore,
There's still sequence missing, of this I am sure.
But there it is!!
Finally done.
I've conquered this fragment and now I have won.
Whats's this I hear?
A voice from the door.
My supervisor wants 10kb more!
So give me some clones,
I've got to have clones,
Or I'll be here all year!
Bill Kalionis

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (14)

Single,huh?

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
--------------------
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner

The checkout girl looks at him, smiles, and says, 'Single,huh?'

The guy smiles sheepishly and replies, 'How'd you guess?'

She says, 'Because you're ugly.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (10)

Female astronauts

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Tantilazing

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (10)

Bankers do it risk-free.
Ba...

Bankers do it risk-free.
Bankers do it just for money.
Bankers charge a fee each time they do it.
Bankers do it with varying rates of interest.
Bankers do it with a penalty for early withdrawal.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (10)

Sister, Got Milk?

There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890's whose worn-out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.
However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.
"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

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