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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 18 November 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 18 November 2012

Wrong clothes

One night a police officer named Mike returned home at 3:00 a.m. after working the graveyard shift. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark and got in bed with his wife.

As soon as he settled in she said, “Honey, can you go over to the drug store and pick me up some aspirin?”

Mike agreed to go, got dressed in the dark, and walked over to the drug store. When he got to the drug store, he got the aspirin and went up to the desk so that the clerk could ring it up.

The clerk looked at him for a moment and asked, “Say, aren't you Mike Murphy?”

Mike answered him and said, “Yes I am.”

The clerk looked puzzled and asked, “Well, aren't you a police officer?”

And again Mike replied yes.

Quay Street. Auckland NZ, local police - MG_1676

The clerk scratched his head for a second and said, “Then why are you dressed like the fire chief?”

#joke
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Short funny jokes-Is it yours?

"Dad, I'm pregnant," declared the daughter.
"Hold on a second. Are you certain it's yours?" the Polish father responded.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

SLIDESHOW #56 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Old friends...

Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

#joke
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Belgian baller keeps trying to score in own basket

Belgian baller keeps trying to score in own basket - Making lots of defensive rebounds on the process - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Pickles Mating With Deer, Mass Hysteria

What do you get when you cross a pickle and a female deer?
A dildo!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Guitar shaped port

Guitar shaped port - The tuning pegs are lights and the keys are solar panels. | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.40/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (5)

A 17 year-old Antartican boy w...

A 17 year-old Antartican boy was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile. Finally, his friend Max asked him why he was doing less each day. The boy replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

Bloopers from Sunday School Students

  • In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
  • Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
  • Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

    #joke
  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 August 2012
    • Currently 3.38/10

    Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

    The family of potatoes

    One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."

    "And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.

    "Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"

    The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?"

    "I'm marrying a Russet!"

    "A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride.

    "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

    As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement."

    "And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato.

    Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"

    "You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?"

    "I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter.

    "An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

    Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make."

    "Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

    "Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"

    "Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?"

    "I'm marrying Peter Jennings!"

    "Peter Jennings?!" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 February 2012
    • Currently 5.10/10

    Rating: 5.1/10 (10)

    A sweet little boy surprised h...

    A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup.

    She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"

    Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 October 2009
    • Currently 5.86/10

    Rating: 5.9/10 (70)

    Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michae...

    Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.r>r> This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. r>r> Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: r>r> "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 November 2009
    • Currently 5.44/10

    Rating: 5.4/10 (61)

    Donald Glover: Crazy Men Stories

    Why dont women have crazy men stories? I dont really hear them. And then I realized, its because if you got a crazy boyfriend, youre going to die. Just something about men, the second they realize theyre crazy, its like, Time to kill everything I love.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 November 2011
    • Currently 3.51/10

    Rating: 3.5/10 (47)

    The End Is Near!

    A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car. One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
    All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 November 2009
    • Currently 6.23/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (43)

    Donald Glover: Gold Star Power

    When you get called the n-word, as a black person you can do anything. Its like getting a gold star in Super Mario Brothers and junk. I hear the music when I hear the n-word. I get right into it; I get really into it. You can do anything. You could be in a fancy restaurant -- just start throwing poop at the walls. People be like, What are you doing? Someone called him the n-word.
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 November 2010
    • Currently 2.17/10

    Rating: 2.2/10 (41)

    First Thing to do after Jail

    Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.

    The only thing he said was, "F.F."

    His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

    Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."

    She responded simply, "E.F."

    He repeated, "F.F."

    She again replied, "E.F."

    "Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"

    Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 November 2011
    • Currently 5.83/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (41)

    Worries While Flying

    Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.
    However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.
    Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine.
    However, it would now take 18 hours to get to new York. At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!"
    #joke
    Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 6.17/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

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