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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 19 March 2013

“The comedian stopped...

“The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Spaghetti

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several months. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her simply to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it" he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

#joke
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #34 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Good jokes-Apt reply

Serena and her friend Tina got on the bus. Both around seventeen, Tina was a little too plump for her age. Their journey was long and tedious. They saw a young, fat and dumb looking man sitting awkwardly a few seats ahead and decided to make fun of him. They went near his seat and stood there holding the bar for support. The man, out of sheer courtesy, tried to get up to offer his seat to Tina.

Tina says,“No, no sir, please be seated. Does not look nice when an old man stands up for a young girl to sit.”

The young man retorts, “True and well said, my child. But you see it is not proper for an old man to sit when a pregnant woman stands beside him.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Reversed Backwards Walk Is Mesmerizing

Reversed Backwards Walk Is Mesmerizing - Backward is forward in this mesmerizing video from Jerusalem - by Messe Kopp - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A guy goes to a girl's house f...

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.

She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.

He says, "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He goes, "Geez... oooh.... I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Break the rules - stand on head where it is forbidden

Break the rules - stand on head where it is forbidden - To break the rules sometimes you need to do strange things | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (18)

A letter to dad.....

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

*****************************************

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad.

#joke
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Dollars Equal Ten Cents


Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
=> $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
=> $1 = 10 cent

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

Do you know where you were going?

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

#joke #short #blonde #policeman
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (12)

When the Boogeyman goes to bed...

When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 May 2011
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (53)

A Silent Bomb in Church

An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"
The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member eyesoftheworld

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 March 2010
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (61)

A pregnant woman went to the g...

A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked that was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my nipples get hard."

Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?"

"Yes" quite innocently came her reply.

"Undress so I can check" replied the still amazed doc.

So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer.

After some considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said, "Well madame, I don't know what you have, but it sure as hell is contagious!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2009
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (40)

Looking for a Lumberjack...

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, "Sure, that's what they call it NOW!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2009
  • Currently 6.59/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (39)

One Day the Devil challenged t...

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2009
  • Currently 5.35/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (17)

Payback

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy.

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"

"Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"4 cents," replies the bartender.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy... "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business!"

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by calamjo

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 March 2012
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (13)

Under the kilt...

The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle.

After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked 'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'.

The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am, its all in perfect working order'.

#joke
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale

I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victorias Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, hows it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, Im curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 December 2010
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (42)

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