Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 04 June 2013
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 04 June 2013 |
Dark scary night
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in...
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his den. The bear isn't dead- just afraid to move.“What do you call a p...
“What do you call a person rabid with wordplay? An energizer punny.”
My wife is better
Jake and his buddy Fred visit a brothel. Jake goes into the room with the prostitute first while Fred waits outside.
When he's done, Jake closes the door behind him and says: "Don't waste your time. My wife's better."
But Fred goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says:
"Damn, Jake, you were right. Your wife is better."
Happiest day of your life...
Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." Protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."
Language Problem
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella "Mississippi"!Ronald McDonald in a N*dist Colony
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a n*dist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
Leaves of the Book
A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
Snooker Man
y did the snookerman go to the toilet, to pot brown!The Shopping Criminal
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
Dan St. Germain: Too Lazy to Kill
I could never be a serial killer because Im way too lazy to follow a pattern. I used to murder women that look like Grandmother but now -- mostly delivery men. The sun sets from fear of Chuc...
The sun sets from fear of Chuck Norris.Sheng Wang: Man With a Comb Over
If you can show me a man with a comb over, I can show you a man who thinks that by crushing a bag of chips, you make more chips. Trivial Pursuit
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature".Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?
She thought for some time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
The Nuns Enter Heaven - DON'T USE FOR NL
Three nuns died and visited St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said he would admit them if they each answered one question.He turned to the first nun and asked, "Who was the first man?""Adam," the nun confidently replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang as the gates swung open and she walked into heaven.St. Peter turned to the second nun. "Who was the first woman?" "Eve," she replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang.Then St. Peter turned to the last nun. "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"The nun paused for a moment. "Gee, that's a hard one!"The trumpets sounded and the angels sang. 
