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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 22 August 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 22 August 2013

In bunches

Tom : The bananas never seem to be lonely. Why?

Jerry: Don't you know they always come in bunches!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

“The shoemaker did no...

“The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #86 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Pick-up line

A man sees a gorgeous and sexy woman standing alone at a bar. After tossing back a couple of shots he gets the nerve to approach her and says: "Hi, I was going to tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long."
The woman looks at him for a moment and replies: "What a coincidence. I was going to tell you a joke about my ass, but you'll never get it."

  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (13)

Funny video of the day - Fog Rolling over Mountains in Newfoundland

Fog Rolling over Mountains in Newfoundland - Mesmerizing footage of fog slowly rolling over Long Range Mountains in Lark Harbour, Newfoundland. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Your friend the computer

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing 'com' after every period when using a word.

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

8. When your email box shows 'no new messages' and you feel really depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to 'Netscape' before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say 'LOL, LOL'.

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Garbage sailboat

Garbage sailboat - Much better price than for new one | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Knock Knock Collection 148

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Phoebe who?
Phoebe too expensive for me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Phyllis who!
Phyllis in on the news!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ping Pong!
Ping Pong who?
Ping Pong the witch is dead....!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pizza who?
Pizza the pie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Plato who?
Plato fish and chips please!

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Face 2 Face

"Hey, how's your face feeling?"
"Fine. Why?"

"Because it's killing me!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (16)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (102)

In school, Chuck Norris put "v...

In school, Chuck Norris put "violence" down for every answer on math tests and always got 100% because he solves all problems with violence.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 July 2013
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Bloopers from Sunday School Students

  • In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
  • Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
  • Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 August 2012
    • Currently 3.38/10

    Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

    Coffee Breaks

    Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

    A: It

    takes too long to retrain them.

    #joke #short #blonde
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 February 2010
    • Currently 5.58/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (38)

    When Chuck Norris does a pushu...

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011
    • Currently 4.15/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (48)

    Medical Emergency on the Golf Course

    The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when

    she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need

    help." she said.

    The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little

    while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line

    up his shot on the green.

    His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm

    may be dying and you're putting?"

    "Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who

    said he come and help."

    "The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"

    "Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking

    his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."

    #joke #doctor
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011
    • Currently 4.39/10

    Rating: 4.4/10 (36)

    Marketing translations

    Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following examples below.

    The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

    In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

    Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

    The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

    When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

    When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

    An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."

    Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

    In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 August 2008
    • Currently 5.81/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (16)


    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 August 2008
    • Currently 4.73/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

    Song Of The Elements

    There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,

    And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium

    And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,

    And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,

    Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium

    And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium

    And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium (inhale)

    And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

    There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium

    And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium

    And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,

    And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium and barium.

    There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium

    And phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium

    And manganese and mercury, molybdinum, magnesium,

    Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium

    And lead, praseodymium, platinum, plutonium,

    Paladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,

    Tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, (inhale)

    And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.

    There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium

    And also mendelevium, einsteinium and nobelium

    And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium

    And chlorine, cobalt, carbon, copper,

    Tungsten, tin and sodium.

    - Tom Lehrer

    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 August 2008
    • Currently 5.60/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (10)

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