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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 12 January 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 12 January 2014

Very funny jokes-Habits

The Indian groom says to his bride on the wedding night, "I want to confess that I had 15 love affairs before we got married."
The bride instead of getting upset, said brightly, "I knew it! When our horoscopes matched, I was sure our habits would also match!!"
#joke #short #wedding #bride
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

The hearing aid...

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Sounds Of The Wild


A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

#joke #animal #cat #frog #cow #mother
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Toilet Paper

Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.

Whats dumber than that? reading them.

Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something

you've been doing wrong.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

D.A.M.

Q: What does D.A.M stand for?

A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

The other day I held...

“The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.94/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (32)

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon...

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
#joke #short #chuck-norris #animal #buffalo #food #meat
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 December 2011
  • Currently 2.38/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (8)

Church Bulletin Bloopers

  • A worm welcome to all who have come today.
  • Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.
  • Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
  • If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.
  • Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
  • Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

    #joke #friday #animal #worm #food #lunch
  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 12 January 2011
    • Currently 4.00/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (18)

    A guy walks into a bar...........

    A guy walks into a bar...........

    He orders a drink........... after a few.......... he must visit the john.

    he does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying, , " I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK'.

    after a few minutes he returns........... There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I.

    #joke #walksintoabar #drinks #beer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 January 2010
    • Currently 6.42/10

    Rating: 6.4/10 (53)

    The leading causes of death in...

    The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 January 2012
    • Currently 4.03/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (39)

    Jo Koy: Three-Year-Old Son

    Ive got a three-year-old son. Its like living with a crazy midget.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 January 2012
    • Currently 5.06/10

    Rating: 5.1/10 (35)

    Animal Super Bowl

    During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

    At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

    The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

    "I did," said the centipede.

    "Who stopped the rhino?"

    "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

    "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

    "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

    "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

    "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

    #joke #animal #elephant #sport #football
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 January 2010
    • Currently 5.62/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (29)

    Church Bulletin Bloopers

  • A worm welcome to all who have come today.
  • Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.
  • Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
  • If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.
  • Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
  • Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

    #joke #friday #animal #worm #food #lunch
  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 12 January 2011
    • Currently 4.00/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (18)

    Friday

    SMILE it's a FRIDAY!
    Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
    • Currently 8.75/10

    Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

    Smoke and Mirrors Day joke

    Today is Smoke and Mirrors Day (USA)! Learn Some Magic Tricks, tell a joke!

    My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.
    It was all just smoke and mirrors.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
    • Currently 4.67/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

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