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Jokes of the day for Friday, 21 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 21 March 2014

I Guess It Works

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained,
"I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Hmmm," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.
"I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?

The Stethoscope

"Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."

#joke #doctor #fruit #banana #food #eating
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

“The triglyph comment...

“The triglyph commented, 'It's friezing in here.'”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

Sardar jokes-Compliment

Sardar Gurpreet Singh received a letter from his bank on his loan which said: "Sir, your repayment amount is outstanding!"

Sardar Gurpreet Singh replied: "Dear Sir, thanks for the compliment!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Skate boards balancing using mouth

Skate boards balancing using mouth - This is not going to end well | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

Once upon a time, there was a ...

Once upon a time, there was a cat that died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold black alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller-skates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she liked heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow was the meals on wheels.


#joke #animal #cat #dog #mice #food #meal
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Adam and Eve

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.... When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

#joke #food #honey
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (10)

4 Doctors

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by yisman

#joke #doctor #lawyer #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Godzilla is a Japanese renditi...

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 December 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (36)

Mommy Mommy 13


Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
All right, you can take another slice.


Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.
Shut up and keep eating.


Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.
Shut up and stop squirming.


Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.
[Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup.


"Come upstairs, son, like a good boy."
"No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again."
#joke #food #eating #sport #fishing
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 October 2011
  • Currently 2.93/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (55)

Converting to the Society of Friends

Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.
Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 August 2010
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (37)

Mike Birbiglia: Sex and Pizza

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When its good, its good. When its bad, you get it on your shirt.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 March 2010
  • Currently 2.94/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (50)

Little Angel?

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”
“He came from heaven, Johnny.”
“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 March 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (43)

Daniel Tosh: Millionaire Game Show

Id like a game show with millionaires on it, and they have to play with their own money, and they cant win money, they can only lose til one them goes complete broke, and the shows called Ha Ha, Now Youre Poor.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 March 2012
  • Currently 2.77/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (43)

Kyle Kinane: This Is America

This is America. It is my God given right to be loudly opinionated about something I am completely ignorant of.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 March 2011
  • Currently 5.81/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (42)

Quick clean jokes...

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.

Q: What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
A: They're hiring.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: 'Dam.'

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.

Q: What's a cat's favorite breakfast?
A: Mice Krispies.

Q: How does a lion like his steak?
A: Medium roar.

Q: What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
A: French flies.

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q: How do you get a kleenex to dance?
A: Put a boogie in it!

Q: Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
A: He's all-right now!

#joke #animal #cat #frog #lion #cow #gorilla #fish #mice #food #breakfast #steak #drinks #milk #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 March 2009
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (15)

Gardening Skills

Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

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