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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 12 May 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 12 May 2018

Dead Atheist

Q: What do you call a dead atheist? A: Someone all dressed up with nowhere to go! - Joke shared by Beliefnet member sharohio
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

 Breaking Into A House


A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Business Ethics – Educational

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. 'Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?'

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Why couldn't the pi...

“Why couldn't the pig see his house? He had a sty in his eye.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

A blond at a party was telling

A blond at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life.
"They lie, they cheat and they're just no good. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my vibrator."
"So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.
"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 August 2017
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

The Iowa Wage and Hour Departm...

The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years; the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He takes home $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every week," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," said the agent.
The farmer said, "That would be me."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 November 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Harmonica

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 May 2015
  • Currently 7.92/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (24)

The Great Wall of China was or...

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 May 2011
  • Currently 2.46/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (56)

Her husband had been slipping ...

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 May 2013
  • Currently 6.89/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (54)

Admit That You Did That


An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.
He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
Again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again,
"Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff."
The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 May 2011
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (49)

21st Century Newspaper

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 May 2017
  • Currently 8.80/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (49)

Overboard

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.

The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”

“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 May 2011
  • Currently 6.97/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (39)

Two elderly gentlemen, who had...

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast... she farted and flew out the window!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (56)

Scary Flight

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that "we're just waiting for the pilots."
The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke.
The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers. The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it's takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the end of the runway. The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway. The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves, at this point believing that they fell for a joke.
In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says "you know, one day those people are gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 June 2015
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

Look

Look, you can either agree with me or you can be wrong.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 February 2016
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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