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Jokes of the day for Friday, 27 September 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 27 September 2019

Who is stupid?

Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let me show you." And he called his driver over and said, "Here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes."

To which he replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."

The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver: "Hey, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." He said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran home.

"See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Jim said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is so stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes ... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday?? The showroom is closed!"

Ali replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is so much worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home ... He's got a cellphone, right, he can just call home to check!"

Found on http://punjabi.net/forum/showthread.php?t=3341 , posted on January 5th 2004. by bobby basra

Photo by why kei on Unsplash

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Give up my job as a plumber

“I had to give up my job as a plumber. It was just too draining.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

SLIDESHOW #33 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Who is right?

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.

"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.

"I'm wrong," she said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

 Worries About A Risk

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

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Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

A Towel Joke

Why can't towels tell jokes?
Because they have a dry sense of humor.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

1. Is it good if a vacuum rea

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"when we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote controlwhen you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?I dunno, why do we?
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 October 2017
  • Currently 7.61/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (36)

The blind salesman...

A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday.

A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?"

"Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?" she answers.

The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and can not see the rod your referring too. However, if you'll drop it on the counter I'll tell you all about it as I can tell from the sound it makes."

The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops it on the counter.

He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium action - $15."

Lady - "Wow !" She finds another and does the same.

"Thats an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used with ultralight tackle - $20."

Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one.

As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady makes a rather large noise as she passes gas but feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is.

Salesman says, "That'll be $25."

"TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?"

"That's right mam, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and $2 for the fish bait."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 02 October 2016
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Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

When in a bar, you can order a...

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 2.48/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (50)

Bare back...

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, the Indian let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'yahoo' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service station attendant.

'Nothing,' shrugged the woman, 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians ride bareback...'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (43)

Marriage And Man

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 September 2013
  • Currently 7.10/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (29)

Vertical living

“Vertical living is flat dwelling.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 September 2013
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Rating: 4.0/10 (21)

Pie Rates

A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00. It is $2.50 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Author:koulnis
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 March 2018
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Boss told me to have a good day

My boss told me to have a good day, so i went home.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 July 2015
  • Currently 8.45/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (44)

I DON'T THINK...

I DON'T THINK THERE WILL BE ENOUGH COFFEE OR MIDDLE FINGERS FOR THIS MONDAY!
#joke #short #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 September 2015
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

I never got along with my dad

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?

Bill Hicks (1961-1994)

Picture: Film Stills

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 March 2015
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