Jokes of the day for Friday, 08 May 2020
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 08 May 2020 |
Did Henry Ford usher in the
Did Henry Ford usher in the Auto-man empire?A city boy was visiting the co
A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.
"It had two saggy breasts, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy.
"Oh, bugger!!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"
A father is explaining ethics
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business..."Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?
Why Ask Why 02
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
Some people get lucky and kill...
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.Four legs
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Chuck Norris can speak braille...
Chuck Norris can speak braille.An Unusual Vet
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two
vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their
owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his
income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,
"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,
you get your dog back!"
Adam and Eve
Why did god create Adam before he created Eve?
- Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Who was it?
She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"My husband," she replied.
"I better get going," he said. "Where was he?"
"Relax. He's downtown playing poker with you."
New broom...
A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her basket was filled with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious that she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for yet another price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked, indignantly, "Well, at this rate, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, Ma'am," replied the clerk. "With all that wind kicking up over there and that brand new broom you have in your basket, you'll be home in no time."
