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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 21 May 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 21 May 2020

Hear about the dyslexic watchm

Hear about the dyslexic watchmaker who was ruined by the tocks market? That's nothing compared to the horologist who spent all his money on prostitutes.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A tourist was admiring the nec

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Native American.
"What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the man replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
#joke #short #animal #alligator
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

“What is another name

“What is another name for Korean cuisine? Seoul food.”

#joke #short #food
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Holding onto the saddle horn

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when hercar broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her aride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rodeoff.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would letout a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surroundinghills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-stationattendant.
'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on thehorse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so Iwouldn't fall off.'
'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.
#joke #animal #horse
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (32)

Wise Beyond His Years

Little Johnny was being shown the shape of the earth on a globe atlas by his mother. After pointing to all countries with unusual shapes, she asks: "Now Johnny, what shape is the world?"
Johnny, looking very wise and happy, said: "Daddy says it's in terrible shape."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

 Ice Cream Flavor Galore


A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira's ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavors fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn't smooth enough.

#joke #animal #chicken #fruit #avocado #food #onion #rice #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (17)

Thigns...

In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: "Think!"

The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "Thoap!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 June 2017
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

According to Einstein's theory...

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (67)

The Cat and the Saus

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.

The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom for the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH - he fell in.

The moral of the story is: The Bigger the Sausage, The Wetter the Pussy!

#joke #animal #cat
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 May 2012
  • Currently 3.12/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (68)

Give Bubba a Chance

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."

Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!"

Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a "One Question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.

The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"

There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!"

#joke #sport #football
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (50)

First day at school

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 May 2017
  • Currently 8.94/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (47)

Ben Bailey: Restless Leg Syndrome

Restless leg syndrome. Cmon, what kind of horseshit is that? Its a syndrome? Restless leg syndrome? I have no idea what constitutes a syndrome, but its a hell of a lot more serious than some freakin wiggly legs.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 May 2011
  • Currently 3.62/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (42)

A guy fell asleep on the beach...

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"
The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 July 2017
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (24)

Another miracle....

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

#joke #policeman #drinks #wine #alcohol
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 December 2016
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

Five year old Little Johnny wa...

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 June 2018
  • Currently 7.62/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (21)

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