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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 27 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 27 September 2020

Just fired my baker; she wasn&

Just fired my baker; she wasn't meeting my kneads.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Sins of Omission

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?"
A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Sentence using the words 'love' and ...

At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'
The woman wrote: "When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Sam and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical sex with one another."
And Sam wrote: "I love sex."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 July 2020
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

An opening joke...

Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training.

Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech which, went over well.

About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!"

His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 October 2017
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

In a tiny village lived an old

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she wasstill a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days weregetting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted thefollowing inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. The undertaker, true tohis word, instructed his men to inscribe on the tombstone what thelady had requested. The men went to carve it, but as they were lazyand it was close to quitting time, they decided the inscription wasunnecessarily long. So they simply carved:
"Returned unopened."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 September 2015
  • Currently 7.19/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (21)

When in a bar, you can order a...

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 2.48/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (50)

Bare back...

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, the Indian let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'yahoo' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service station attendant.

'Nothing,' shrugged the woman, 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians ride bareback...'

#joke #animal #horse
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 6.61/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (44)

Marriage And Man

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 September 2013
  • Currently 7.10/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (29)

Vertical living

“Vertical living is flat dwelling.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 September 2013
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (21)

I love Wi-Fi so much...

“I love Wi-Fi so much because we just have that connection.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 December 2016
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Sister Mary Ann

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was making her rounds. She was visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned
Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm becoming Catholic."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 August 2009
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (55)

Icing

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for the holidays. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake some cupcakes.

After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.

"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite and said, "Timmy these are so good."

As he finished cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get the icing so neat?"

His nephew replied, "It was easy. I just licked them."

The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. "You licked all of these?"

Timmie replied, "Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, and I got the dog to help."

#joke #animal #dog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 May 2015
  • Currently 6.91/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (22)

Walk down the river

A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

"Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 December 2015
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Third Time the Charm

My dad walked me down the aisle at my third wedding.
He said, “I keep giving you away... and they keep giving you back!”

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 May 2020
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

You do not know you are dead

Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid

I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.

Author:Ricky Gervais
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 March 2018
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

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